Friday, May 31, 2013
RECIPE FOR WELL-BAKED WRITING!
5 cups of fully visualized CHARACTERS--avoid the pre-packaged “Trite” types
1 generous pinch of CONFLICT baking powder, to enable ingredients to blend and stick together
2 cups of PLOT broth, the more fluid, the better, for the smoothest batter (add ¾ cup of SUBPLOT broth to enrich flavor)
4 cups of SETTING, or settings, depending on quantity of Good Writing desired--use the “Multi-sensory” brand
1 cup of sifted THEME yeast, to make story rise to a higher level--mix in gradually
8 heaping Tablespoons of VIVID VERBS--the “Active” brand (Avoid using fatty “Passive” products of the “to be” variety,including: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been, has, have, do, does, did, go, goes, went
8 heaping Tablespoons of COLORFUL ADJECTIVES--the “Showing” brand--never use adjectives manufactured by “Opinions, Inc.” or
the “Vague Co.”
10 Tablespoons of DIALOGUE--fresh, not frozen or stale--and you may substitute for nonfiction recipes 6 teaspoons of QUOTATIONS, depending on taste
10 teaspoons of SMOOTH TRANSITIONS (connective words and phrases--without any lumps or excessive and’s or then’s
20 teaspoons of PROPER PUNCTUATION--to improve flow and texture
3 cups of mixed FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE spices, according to taste, of the following varieties: similes, metaphors, irony,
2 cups of “Proofreader’s” icing
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix first 5 ingredients ahead of time--the order of mixing is your preference--and allow to marinate before adding other ingredients.
Add to the pre-mixed batter the remaining ingredients, sifting out any of the non-recommended brands before blending. The batter may be difficult to stir at first, even after removal of undesirable ingredients, but earnest strokes, additions and deletions, will achieve the best consistency. Taste the batter, and ask a person with good taste buds to taste the batter, before you bake. Stir further, as needed or recommended by respectable taster.
Bake fully (no half-baked literary loafs, please!) until golden, at 375 degrees. Once cooled, spread onto loaf the “Proofreader’s” brand of icing, then have an assistant spread a second coat of “Proofreader’s” to achieve maximum glossiness.
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