wordswimmer: Swimming Past First Drafts
Check out this piece on the process of writing. I couldn't have written it better myself.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Even Kindergartners Prefer "Showing" (not "Telling") Writing
Yesterday I spoke to my class about the power of a well-chosen verb or verb phrase to show the personality or mood of a character, not just his/her actions. A character who "lopes," rather than simply "walks," conjures an image of a confident person who covers a lot of ground quickly. A character who "gnaws her inner cheek" paints a portrait of an anxious person, rather than simply saying "looks anxious." I explained that even the youngest readers appreciate the nuances of verb choices and can comprehend the subtle implications about characters. "It's the writer's job to find the perfect verb to convey as much as possible--even in picture books." As an example, I mentioned one of my favorite picture books, I Love You the Purplest, by Barbara M. Joosse, in which two little boys are captured by the verbs used to enact them: "Max exploded out of the cabin" versus "Julian left the cabin, carefully locking the door behind them," I paraphrased. "What do you know about the boys' personalities from those two lines?"
My preteen students answered as expected, that Max is excited and rowdy and Julian is calmer and careful. They seemed doubtful that little kids would pick up on those implications, though. I showed them how the youngest readers would comprehend the purpose of vivid verbs (based on my previous classroom experience with little guys):
"I'd ask them, 'So which one of the boys can't wait to go fishing?' They always chimed, 'MAX!' I'd ask, 'How do you know that?' They'd say, 'He goes out like THIS!' And one of them would act out 'exploding' by bursting out of his seat."
A well-chosen word is never wasted on an interested reader, regardless of age.
My preteen students answered as expected, that Max is excited and rowdy and Julian is calmer and careful. They seemed doubtful that little kids would pick up on those implications, though. I showed them how the youngest readers would comprehend the purpose of vivid verbs (based on my previous classroom experience with little guys):
"I'd ask them, 'So which one of the boys can't wait to go fishing?' They always chimed, 'MAX!' I'd ask, 'How do you know that?' They'd say, 'He goes out like THIS!' And one of them would act out 'exploding' by bursting out of his seat."
A well-chosen word is never wasted on an interested reader, regardless of age.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Reviewing Process-Oriented Writing Instruction
Excerpted from an old online article I wrote about writing instruction in public schools:
Many teachers have misled students into believing that the scores applied to written works matter more than both the learning derived from the process, and the establishing of one's own personal best standards in writing. If I, as a writer, create my works based only on what others expect or demand from me, I am not truly communicating, only fashioning words to serve others; not creating, but reiterating; not sighing with pride upon completion of a written work, but rather, with relief to be finished. If I, as a teacher of writing, do not lead my students into careful examination of the words they choose and the reasons they choose them, I fail to assist the communication process.
In focusing on the process, rather than solely on the product, during writing instruction, teachers serve as Muses--to inspire, enlighten, and guide. Teachers must practice more questioning (that good ole Socratic method) and less judging. We must pose questions that produce detailed and/or profound answers. Then we can guide and enrich revisions by asking, "So, is this what you were hoping to convey?" We need to ask what happened between points A and C, not simply deduct points for a lack of B. We should annotate, not simply grade papers; and offer clear example essays (which we ought to write ourselves!), not simply clever writing prompts. Teachers honor communication itself by showing young writers' that their sweat-filled words matter enough to elicit our thoughtful reactions and sound recommendations for continued improvement.
Many teachers have misled students into believing that the scores applied to written works matter more than both the learning derived from the process, and the establishing of one's own personal best standards in writing. If I, as a writer, create my works based only on what others expect or demand from me, I am not truly communicating, only fashioning words to serve others; not creating, but reiterating; not sighing with pride upon completion of a written work, but rather, with relief to be finished. If I, as a teacher of writing, do not lead my students into careful examination of the words they choose and the reasons they choose them, I fail to assist the communication process.
In focusing on the process, rather than solely on the product, during writing instruction, teachers serve as Muses--to inspire, enlighten, and guide. Teachers must practice more questioning (that good ole Socratic method) and less judging. We must pose questions that produce detailed and/or profound answers. Then we can guide and enrich revisions by asking, "So, is this what you were hoping to convey?" We need to ask what happened between points A and C, not simply deduct points for a lack of B. We should annotate, not simply grade papers; and offer clear example essays (which we ought to write ourselves!), not simply clever writing prompts. Teachers honor communication itself by showing young writers' that their sweat-filled words matter enough to elicit our thoughtful reactions and sound recommendations for continued improvement.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Beyond Grade-Level Expectations
I was discussing To Kill a Mockingbird with a 5th grade student of mine, and we analyzed what Scout meant about Atticus treating her and Jem the same outside the house as he does inside--in short, that he's NOT a hypocrite. Lighting up, she exclaimed, "Oh! So he's like Dr. Seuss's character who 'says what me means and means what he says'? That's the opposite of a hypocrite, too, right?" How about that for critical thinking? By a 5th grader! Studying a high-school required reading book! Offering her unique text-to-text analysis! And the greatest part of this whole lesson was the SECOND part: we analyzed the scene in which the teacher, Miss Caroline, admonishes Scout for writing cursive as a first grader, when "we don't write until the third grade." My 5th grade student smiled as she commented, "That teacher doesn't believe kids should do work above their grade level."
"You mean like writing responses to high-school-level books?" I laughed. "Now write an essay-style paragraph about the role of teachers, using concrete details from this passage about Miss Caroline and Scout." She proceeded to write a very thoughtful, not-at-all-5th-grade-level, thematic paragraph.
I love teaching!
"You mean like writing responses to high-school-level books?" I laughed. "Now write an essay-style paragraph about the role of teachers, using concrete details from this passage about Miss Caroline and Scout." She proceeded to write a very thoughtful, not-at-all-5th-grade-level, thematic paragraph.
I love teaching!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Giving Helpful Feedback
The other day, I asked my tween students to trade first drafts and write comments to each other. Their feedback, they soon learned, was in first-draft form as well. Most of them wrote lists at the bottom of the page, such as "Needs details; Show, don't tell; verb tenses changed; unclear plot...." Some added spelling corrections within the text, or smiling faces or stars in the margins. A couple wrote "Great verbs" or "Great descriptions!" I asked all of these novice editors, "Now that you are looking at the comments you received, how many of you feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to start revising?" Most of the hands rose. "Now," I continued, "look at the sample that I edited." I passed the edited copy around. "What's different?"
"You asked questions in the margins," one student pointed out.
"Yeah, you wrote comments right next to the lines that need work," added another.
"You're right," I replied. "Now trade back with your editing partner and do the same."
After they had finished responding directly to the words on the page, in specific terms or questions, rather than in vague generalities as advice, I asked them how many thought they could revise more easily now. They all did.
The revisions showed, rather than told, about the most productive way to give feedback. I hope that everyone learned that we help each other most when we provide details in editing, just as we advise our fellow writers to add details to their writing!
"You asked questions in the margins," one student pointed out.
"Yeah, you wrote comments right next to the lines that need work," added another.
"You're right," I replied. "Now trade back with your editing partner and do the same."
After they had finished responding directly to the words on the page, in specific terms or questions, rather than in vague generalities as advice, I asked them how many thought they could revise more easily now. They all did.
The revisions showed, rather than told, about the most productive way to give feedback. I hope that everyone learned that we help each other most when we provide details in editing, just as we advise our fellow writers to add details to their writing!
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Economy of Word-Crafting: Shopping for the Right Words
Yes, you can shop at the Under-a-Dollar store of words if you seek words merely to fill pages, but you'll end up paying for what you get: cheap, trite sentence fragments, products that last only a short while, rather than finely wrought, unique verbal images that become treasured keepsakes. Don't just toss the most-sold items into your paper cart; travel the aisles, search the overhead storage shelves and back rooms of the word warehouse. Take the extra time and walk the extra yards to find the highest quality product for your communication needs.
Before you check out, carefully observe your word choices as they move along the conveyor belt before your eyes. Ask yourself whether you can swap any items for more economical choices. This does not mean cheaper choices, but BETTER ones: one superior word for the price of a few inferior ones. The "Two-for-the-Price-of-One" mentality guarantees only a cart full of unnecessary items that you'll later feel sorry that you bought.
In the Economy of Words, scarcity ensures higher quality than abundance. Less is more in the word store!
Before you check out, carefully observe your word choices as they move along the conveyor belt before your eyes. Ask yourself whether you can swap any items for more economical choices. This does not mean cheaper choices, but BETTER ones: one superior word for the price of a few inferior ones. The "Two-for-the-Price-of-One" mentality guarantees only a cart full of unnecessary items that you'll later feel sorry that you bought.
In the Economy of Words, scarcity ensures higher quality than abundance. Less is more in the word store!
For All Writing Students and All Genres
Editing Checklist for Writing Students:
For Self-Editing or Editing the Works of Other Writers
by Susan L. Lipson
Remember to double-space your written work for easier, clearer editing later. Complete all 15 steps, writing your comments on a separate piece of paper so that you can reuse this checklist for everything you write or edit.
For Draft One:
FIRST LEVEL OF EDITING—FOR SUBSTANCE/CONTENT
1) Listen to someone read the entire piece aloud to you, or read it to the author if you are editing for someone else. The reader should read slowly and with expression. If you have no one to read aloud for you, read your own work aloud, to allow yourself to hear your words outside of your own head.
2) Note your observations about the following issues:
* Is the main idea clear or unclear?
* Does the story or essay show a clear beginning, middle, and end, flowing along in a logical order?
* Does the work move from point to point at a reasonable pace, maintaining a balance in the depth of each point or scene (versus rushing certain points or scenes without developing any depth)?
* Does the work stay focused on its topic (rather than veer off into unnecessary tangents, or side stories?
* Do the word choices reflect the proper tone for the piece, and, in fiction, the proper voice for each character?
* Do you enjoy hearing it aloud (without wincing over awkward-sounding parts?
If you answered “no” to any of those questions, revise before continuing with the second level of editing, which follows.
SECOND LEVEL OF EDITING—FOR STYLE
3) Check for repeated adjectives and verbs, and delete those that add nothing to your piece. If the repeated words seem absolutely necessary for the reader’s understanding, substitute words of the same meaning for the recurring words. Also, if any of your word choices strike you as not exactly what you wished to convey, now is the time to find more powerful words. Use a thesaurus, if necessary.
4) Lightly circle all descriptive words and phrases.
* Write T for Telling over any description that only tells, but doesn’t show a word picture, such as “opinion words” which mean different things to different people (like “ugly,” “scary,” “beautiful,” “awesome,” “old”...) or words which can be imagined in more than one way (like “sad,” “annoyed,” “shocked,” “excited,” “angry,” “kind,” “nice,” “big,” “little,” “smart”...).
* Replace every telling word with a more specific, colorful SHOWING word or phrase. Use a thesaurus to help you, if you need it.
5) Reread the changed sentences. Will your words paint a picture that stimulates more than just the visual sense in your reader? If not, look for a way to add a sound or a smell, a feeling or a taste in a natural way, to help the reader EXPERIENCE the scene, rather than simply observe it.
6) Have you included a simile or metaphor in any of your descriptions? Try to include at least one in your work, but no more than two in a paragraph.
7) Lightly underline ALL verbs and verb phrases. Immediately DELETE any of the following PASSIVE VERBS (except when no alternative exists): AM, IS, ARE, WAS, WERE, BE, BEING, BEEN, GO, GOES, WENT, DO, DOES, DID, SAY, SAYS, SAID.
8) Now replace the passive verbs with active verbs that SHOW an action, not just tell about it. (SHOW, DON’T TELL!) If the passive verbs follow “there”—as in “there was,” “there is,” “there were,” and “there are”—delete “there” from that sentence as well. Also, replace “said,” whenever possible, with a dialogue tag that shows how a character says his words (“whispered,” “shouted,” “snapped,” “cooed,” “barked,” etc.).
9) Now look at the rest of the underlined verbs and verb phrases. Label D for “Dull” over any vague words and replace them with more specific ones (like “sprinted” instead of “ran,” or “snapped” instead of “said in a mean voice”).
10) Have you used any DIALOGUE or QUOTATIONS to show what someone says, to illustrate your ideas or main points? Add either of these kinds of “spoken words,” if possible. (Remember, in nonfiction, to cite your source in parentheses after quoting other authors!)
For Draft Two:
11) Recopy or retype the piece with the changes.
12) With your fresh-looking copy in hand, PROOFREAD for misspellings, punctuation problems, paragraph formatting errors, and grammatical difficulties. Correct the errors you have identified.
13) And for the errors you have not identified: Ask a writer or reader who has more writing experience than you to read your second draft and proofread for you. A fresh pair of eyes can make a significant difference at this stage.
14) Make final changes based on your reader’s suggestions—if you agree.
15) Carefully recopy or type the changes onto the document. Double space!
16) Reread the final draft. Write on a separate piece of paper the grade or evaluation that YOU would give your work, based on the quality of your previous works, and on a rubric founded upon the relative strength of each piece. In other words, on a scale of 1 to 6:
• 1 means a weakly written, barely readable piece that merely tells without SHOWING, using vague, nonspecific, forgettable word choices, and no D.A.D. or M.O.M. elements. A 1 exhibits a lack of attention to, or knowledge of, basic writing mechanics, with frequent errors in basic mechanics, also known as proofreading issues: problems with spelling, punctuation, format, grammar, and unnecessary extra words.
• 2 means a piece that uses one or two aspects of the D.A.D. and/or M.O.M. elements, but possesses little word power in its mostly nonspecific word choices. A 2 also shows numerous errors in basic mechanics, though not as many as a 1.
• 3 means that the piece shows a balance between its strengths and weaknesses, indicating the potential for a powerful revision. A 3 offers some memorable lines and uses at least three of the D.A.D. and/or M.O.M. elements.
• 4 means a work in which the strengths overpower the weaknesses, and the weaknesses are limited to minor stylistic and/or proofreading issues to resolve, rather than substantive problems. D.A.D. and M.O.M. clearly influence a 4, even if the writer has not mastered the subtle use of those elements yet.
• 5 means that the writer has created a powerful, memorable work that clearly shows the writer’s control of both the D.A.D. and M.O.M. skills by using specific, apt word choices and a strong, yet subtle style. The 5 needs no editing, only proofreading—for either very few misspellings, incorrect punctuation, or minor grammatical errors.
• 6 means vivid, memorable writing that employs the D.A.D. and M.O.M. models, painting a clear, logical, multi-sensory word picture or argument (in the case of an essay), without any mechanical errors. A 6 motivates the reader to reread the piece, for enjoyment.
17) Turn in your final draft for a teacher or peer’s evaluation. Later, compare the reader’s assessment to your own. If they differ a lot, be sure to discuss why with your reader.
18) File your work (by date) so that you can chronicle your progress as a writer. Review your works, from first to final draft stage. LEARN FROM MISTAKES; THEY’RE TOUGH, YET HELPFUL TEACHERS. Also keep in mind that teachers and editors are NOT always right; some critiques are matters of opinion, not fact. Make sure you agree with and accept their criticism before you make further changes in your work.
If you have completed these 18 steps, I guarantee that you have added new life to your writing! --S.L. Lipson
For Self-Editing or Editing the Works of Other Writers
by Susan L. Lipson
Remember to double-space your written work for easier, clearer editing later. Complete all 15 steps, writing your comments on a separate piece of paper so that you can reuse this checklist for everything you write or edit.
For Draft One:
FIRST LEVEL OF EDITING—FOR SUBSTANCE/CONTENT
1) Listen to someone read the entire piece aloud to you, or read it to the author if you are editing for someone else. The reader should read slowly and with expression. If you have no one to read aloud for you, read your own work aloud, to allow yourself to hear your words outside of your own head.
2) Note your observations about the following issues:
* Is the main idea clear or unclear?
* Does the story or essay show a clear beginning, middle, and end, flowing along in a logical order?
* Does the work move from point to point at a reasonable pace, maintaining a balance in the depth of each point or scene (versus rushing certain points or scenes without developing any depth)?
* Does the work stay focused on its topic (rather than veer off into unnecessary tangents, or side stories?
* Do the word choices reflect the proper tone for the piece, and, in fiction, the proper voice for each character?
* Do you enjoy hearing it aloud (without wincing over awkward-sounding parts?
If you answered “no” to any of those questions, revise before continuing with the second level of editing, which follows.
SECOND LEVEL OF EDITING—FOR STYLE
3) Check for repeated adjectives and verbs, and delete those that add nothing to your piece. If the repeated words seem absolutely necessary for the reader’s understanding, substitute words of the same meaning for the recurring words. Also, if any of your word choices strike you as not exactly what you wished to convey, now is the time to find more powerful words. Use a thesaurus, if necessary.
4) Lightly circle all descriptive words and phrases.
* Write T for Telling over any description that only tells, but doesn’t show a word picture, such as “opinion words” which mean different things to different people (like “ugly,” “scary,” “beautiful,” “awesome,” “old”...) or words which can be imagined in more than one way (like “sad,” “annoyed,” “shocked,” “excited,” “angry,” “kind,” “nice,” “big,” “little,” “smart”...).
* Replace every telling word with a more specific, colorful SHOWING word or phrase. Use a thesaurus to help you, if you need it.
5) Reread the changed sentences. Will your words paint a picture that stimulates more than just the visual sense in your reader? If not, look for a way to add a sound or a smell, a feeling or a taste in a natural way, to help the reader EXPERIENCE the scene, rather than simply observe it.
6) Have you included a simile or metaphor in any of your descriptions? Try to include at least one in your work, but no more than two in a paragraph.
7) Lightly underline ALL verbs and verb phrases. Immediately DELETE any of the following PASSIVE VERBS (except when no alternative exists): AM, IS, ARE, WAS, WERE, BE, BEING, BEEN, GO, GOES, WENT, DO, DOES, DID, SAY, SAYS, SAID.
8) Now replace the passive verbs with active verbs that SHOW an action, not just tell about it. (SHOW, DON’T TELL!) If the passive verbs follow “there”—as in “there was,” “there is,” “there were,” and “there are”—delete “there” from that sentence as well. Also, replace “said,” whenever possible, with a dialogue tag that shows how a character says his words (“whispered,” “shouted,” “snapped,” “cooed,” “barked,” etc.).
9) Now look at the rest of the underlined verbs and verb phrases. Label D for “Dull” over any vague words and replace them with more specific ones (like “sprinted” instead of “ran,” or “snapped” instead of “said in a mean voice”).
10) Have you used any DIALOGUE or QUOTATIONS to show what someone says, to illustrate your ideas or main points? Add either of these kinds of “spoken words,” if possible. (Remember, in nonfiction, to cite your source in parentheses after quoting other authors!)
For Draft Two:
11) Recopy or retype the piece with the changes.
12) With your fresh-looking copy in hand, PROOFREAD for misspellings, punctuation problems, paragraph formatting errors, and grammatical difficulties. Correct the errors you have identified.
13) And for the errors you have not identified: Ask a writer or reader who has more writing experience than you to read your second draft and proofread for you. A fresh pair of eyes can make a significant difference at this stage.
14) Make final changes based on your reader’s suggestions—if you agree.
15) Carefully recopy or type the changes onto the document. Double space!
16) Reread the final draft. Write on a separate piece of paper the grade or evaluation that YOU would give your work, based on the quality of your previous works, and on a rubric founded upon the relative strength of each piece. In other words, on a scale of 1 to 6:
• 1 means a weakly written, barely readable piece that merely tells without SHOWING, using vague, nonspecific, forgettable word choices, and no D.A.D. or M.O.M. elements. A 1 exhibits a lack of attention to, or knowledge of, basic writing mechanics, with frequent errors in basic mechanics, also known as proofreading issues: problems with spelling, punctuation, format, grammar, and unnecessary extra words.
• 2 means a piece that uses one or two aspects of the D.A.D. and/or M.O.M. elements, but possesses little word power in its mostly nonspecific word choices. A 2 also shows numerous errors in basic mechanics, though not as many as a 1.
• 3 means that the piece shows a balance between its strengths and weaknesses, indicating the potential for a powerful revision. A 3 offers some memorable lines and uses at least three of the D.A.D. and/or M.O.M. elements.
• 4 means a work in which the strengths overpower the weaknesses, and the weaknesses are limited to minor stylistic and/or proofreading issues to resolve, rather than substantive problems. D.A.D. and M.O.M. clearly influence a 4, even if the writer has not mastered the subtle use of those elements yet.
• 5 means that the writer has created a powerful, memorable work that clearly shows the writer’s control of both the D.A.D. and M.O.M. skills by using specific, apt word choices and a strong, yet subtle style. The 5 needs no editing, only proofreading—for either very few misspellings, incorrect punctuation, or minor grammatical errors.
• 6 means vivid, memorable writing that employs the D.A.D. and M.O.M. models, painting a clear, logical, multi-sensory word picture or argument (in the case of an essay), without any mechanical errors. A 6 motivates the reader to reread the piece, for enjoyment.
17) Turn in your final draft for a teacher or peer’s evaluation. Later, compare the reader’s assessment to your own. If they differ a lot, be sure to discuss why with your reader.
18) File your work (by date) so that you can chronicle your progress as a writer. Review your works, from first to final draft stage. LEARN FROM MISTAKES; THEY’RE TOUGH, YET HELPFUL TEACHERS. Also keep in mind that teachers and editors are NOT always right; some critiques are matters of opinion, not fact. Make sure you agree with and accept their criticism before you make further changes in your work.
If you have completed these 18 steps, I guarantee that you have added new life to your writing! --S.L. Lipson
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