Emulation as Inspiration: A Student's Poetic Response to My Poem

     On my other blog, "Writing Memorable Words," I published a poem titled "View from Another Bench," which I recently used as a writing prompt with one of my previously featured middle-school students, eleven-year-old Aashi. I was greatly impressed with her apt emulation of my theme about how the assumptions we make about others often lead to our misguided actions, which, in turn, lead to our embarrassment. I proudly present to you here Aashi's poem, born of her response to mine: "Tied." Feel free to leave your comments for her below (and if you want to read my poem, the prompt, just click on its title, above, and the link will take you there).

Tied

by Aashi M.

The little girl bends down                          

to tie her shoes,

with a pout on her face.

My mother would tie my shoes for me

when I was her age.

But her parents are busy.

So instead, I walk over to her,

untying my own shoes,

to show her how to tie them.

"First, make bunny ears," I tell her,

making two loops with my own laces.

"Then--"

"I know how to tie them," she cuts me off.

I stare at her, shocked, 

as she finishes tying her shoes with perfect loops.

Making me look like a fool,

tying my own purposely untied shoes,

as she breezes past me.

     Emulation exercises provide an excellent launching pad for creative writing; having an actual poem or prose piece to model as a prompt can spark ideas much faster, in my experience, than a conceptual prompt. For instance, if I had given as a prompt only the description of my poem (written above), merely telling her the theme of "View from Another Bench," I guarantee that my student would have not experienced her "aha moment" before my delighted eyes. If a writing teacher provides vague or purely conceptual guidelines, young writers end up toying with possible ideas and false starts for a while before venturing, tentatively, to create a first draft. I have found that by offering my students a first line to launch their original works (and then they can modify that given line later in the final revision), or by presenting them with another poem or piece of fiction to emulate, their inspirations arrive quickly and the resulting written works generally have depth and clarity. Furthermore, the young authors have more confidence that they have fulfilled the goal of the writing prompt.

How To Add Fun to Writing Short Essay Responses to Literature: Have Them Write About Each Other's Works!

THE PROMPT: Write a paragraph about a theme in the following poem, using Susan L. Lipson's mnemonic device, E-IEI-O (Establish topic; Illustrate with quotation; Explain illustration and its context; Interpret implications of deeper meanings; Overall conclusions about how those implications relate to the theme).

The Defiant Man

by Rupin M.

The rain batters a person continuously,

While the man wallows in pain

And the people in their houses laugh.

The rain batters him harder and harder.

The fear of sickness reaches his brain.

The man decides he will not let the rain make him sick.

He defiantly puts up an umbrella

So the rain stops,

And the people are silent.

That poem, written by one of my 12-year-old students, in response to a poem from my book Writing Success Through Poetry, clearly impressed one of my other students, Aashi, age 11, so I decided to turn that poem into a response-to-literature exercise for her. I instructed her to refer to the poet formally, as if he were a famous poet. Please note that the poet is actually HER BROTHER! (:

Here is her E-IEI-O response to "The Defiant Man." I consider both the poem and the short essay exceptional. These writings appear here as written by the students, without editing from me except for the addition and subtraction of a few commas. 

The theme of the poem “The Defiant Man,” by Mr. Rupin Mittal, is that often what it takes for people to gain confidence to defend themselves is the very need to defend themselves. However, when people get rid of insecurities and gain enough confidence to put up defenses against the enemy, they can defend themselves. The lines “While the man wallows in pain/ And the people in their houses laugh” show how not everyone will sympathize with people about their problems. Some will simply laugh at the lack of assertiveness. Sometimes this laughter and criticism can help people build up the will to defend themselves. Mr. Mittal writes, “He defiantly puts up an umbrella/ So the rain stops/ and the people are silent.” This shows that the bullies and bystanders may laugh at people who are defenseless, but once they gather the courage to defend themselves, those bullies may no longer be able to put them down. [written by Aashi M.]

Using excellent creative writing pieces by other students as prompts has definitely inspired awe and awesome writing. Kids find essay writing about another writer's work more meaningful when they know that their written response is actually being heard by the author. And the authors feel successful at having clearly communicated their visions or messages, knowing they have left memorable words in their readers' minds.

Making Humorous Use of the Carpe Diem Theme

       
Having discussed the theme of carpe diem ("seize the day") in literature with my middle school and high school students, they recognized this concept immediately in this poem I found posted on Facebook, "Dust If You Must," by Rose Milligan. The full poem appears  below.

          So after reading and discussing the poem--and giggling with morbid enthusiasm over the final stanza, which some didn't fully understand at first--I asked them to use the poem as the basis for a story with the "seize the day" theme. (In case you can't read the last stanza clearly, it reads: "Dust if you must,  but bear in mind,/ Old age will come and it's not kind,/ And when you go--and go you must,/ You, yourself, will make more dust.") I created teams to collaborate and suggested that they write about an obsessively clean or orderly person who learns what really matters in life from another person, who quotes this poem to her/him. To my surprise, a couple of them nodded, saying, "Oh, you mean an OCD person, right?" Either these preteens are psychologists-in-training or authors-in-the-making. I vote for the latter, especially after reading this story that evolved from a collaboration by K.E. and S.V., two middle-school girls.

     "Wanna go to the movie, Anna?" Roxy asked, though she already knew the answer.

     "What? Oh, no. I'm starting on the social studies project," Anna answered, barely looking up from the piles of papers put in neat stacks on her desk.

     "Um…you mean the one that's going to be assigned in a week?" Roxy raised her eyebrow.

     "I know, I know. I should have started it LAST week," Anna muttered, ashamed.

     "We didn't even know it existed until today!" Roxy grumbled. "Cut loose would you? Carpe diem!"

     Anna sighed, not wanting to step on Roxy's leather-booted toes. Anna had adjusted to Roxy's obnoxious, oh-god-let's-do-this attitude, but it still interfered with her "snobby, perfectionist life." As Anna contemplated the similarities between Japan and China, Roxy rolled her eyes. "Come on, Anna! You don't have to start right now!"

     "Yes I do! Do you know how embarrassing it would be if I got a 100%?" Anna shuddered, just thinking about it. Roxy sighed. She had heard enough about Anna's "above hundred percentage." 

     "Fine, Anna. Call me when you decide to stop throwing away your life. I have one word for you. YOLO!" Roxy muttered. As she was walking away, Anna stopped her. 

     "Stop! You're about to step on the place I'm about to put my backpack on. You don't want me having a dirty backpack?"

     "Oh my god, you're so pretentious!" Roxy stormed out. Anna didn't know where she was going, though, since class was just about to start.

     Roxy saw the teacher walk in and she stormed back towards Anna and sat down next to her. Roxy slumped down in her seat.

     A few moments later while the teacher was giving a lesson about geometric shapes, a note landed on Anna's desk from the direction of Roxy.

     "Dust if you must, but bear in mind,

      Old age will come and it's not kind. --Rose Milligan"

     "What's that supposed to mean? I'm not even dusting right now! Dusting's from 2:00 to 3:00. She should know this! And I'm not that old! I'm only 13. Hmph. I'm not wasting my life. Just because I never do extracurricular activities, or have fun, or…"

The End

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS FOR THE TWO YOUNG AUTHORS (OR ME) IN THE SECTION BELOW. AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS POST! THANKS.

Noticing the Spark that Fans the Flames

          When my 10-year-old student looked up from the story he was writing, grinned, and declared, ” I just noticed that my character is becoming a very paranoid person," I realized that he is not just a writing student anymore. He "noticed" his character's transformation as though it were being revealed to him by his Muse. That, in my mind, is the sign of a real writer.

          A couple posts ago, on my "Writing Memorable Words" blog, I interviewed some successful children's novelists about how they know when a character has truly come to life on the page. They offered pearls worth reading and then pondering as you read your own words. I could have added this boy's delighted observation to that post. 

          Here's a poem, about--and inspired by--noticing…

Engulfed

by S. L. Lipson

An

author-

in-progress,

notices a spark

and then a glow

at his pencil's tip,

as embers spread,

   amazing his eyes,

while burning designs 

that describe and

define and engulf

the page, as well as

his imagination,

 illuminate

new beings

and worlds,

as if he

himself

said,

"Let

there

be

light!"

Humble Pie and Other Savory Figurative Expressions

While discussing idioms, a student asked me whether making someone "eat humble pie" could be a good thing. I said it could be good for the "eater," if the "server" doesn't embarrass him in a mean way, but rather, allows the "eater" to digest his mistake and correct it. I explained that the phrase is similar to "making someone eat their words," or take back what they've claimed and then apologize for offending people. In trying to find new ways to explain the old saying, I came up with this metaphorical line:

HUMBLE PIE IS MOST NOURISHING WHEN SERVED WARM, WITH A SPRINKLE OF SWEET TACT, AND NIBBLED IN SOLITUDE--RATHER THAN SERVED COLD, DRY, AND GULPED IN PUBLIC.

Creating memorable, original metaphors and similes is no easy task. While reading aloud with my students, I call their attention to masterful metaphors and spot-on similes whenever we encounter them in poetic prose. Sometimes I turn our analyses of apt expressions into lessons.

For example, in one lesson about writing fresh--rather than trite--words, I ask students to analyze the plethora of lively similes used by children's book author Bruce Hale in his "Chet Gecko" mystery series. Even though the series targets 8 to 12 year olds, the similes are even more appreciated by ages 12 and up, I've found. We discuss what makes Hale's figurative language memorable--their humorous, surprising comparisons, as well as the fresh twists on old sayings--such as: "It brought more trouble than a busload of candy-crazed chipmunks on Halloween night." I ask whether the opening phrase, "it brought more trouble than," sounds familiar--as in the old saying, "it brought more trouble than a barrel of monkeys." (Some kids recognize that saying, and some don't.) I then point out that the humor of Hale's chipmunk simile is doubled by his twisting of the expected old saying into a fresh, new version. Next, my students choose from a list of Hale's hilarious similes and metaphors a few lines to try rewriting in their own fresh words. 

Here are some samples by 13-year-old F.H., written in response to Hale's memorable lines:

Hale's simile: "The two bruisers advanced on us like a pair of tanks against tricycles."
F.H.'s version: "The two bruisers advanced on us like a shopping cart on Black Friday."

Hale's metaphor: "A buzz-saw voice sliced through the hubbub."
F.H.'s version: "An angry voice broke through the milk drinking contest for the lactose-intolerant."

Hale's simile: "Recess came, sweeter than a honey-covered fruit fly after a plateful of brussels sprouts."  (A gecko's perspective of sweetness, remember!)
F.H.'s version: "Recess came, sweeter than a burning of math text books."


A carefully written figurative expression not only has the power to amuse and/or broaden the reader's perspective, but also the power to develop the character of the narrator or character who uses those poetic words. F.H.'s last simile, above, shows us his narrator's level of love for math books--right? (Or maybe F.H.'s…)  

Anyone involved in teaching or learning about writing can benefit from emulating this exercise. As you read any story, fiction or nonfiction, note figurative expressions that you admire; copy them down; try to make them your own by altering the words as F.H. did. It's a great exercise of your figurative language skills, your humor, and your practice of "showing, not telling." And it will enhance your awe for words as it develops your own awesome writing!

Poem Prompt To Elicit Introspection about Friendship

I asked students to read a poem titled "Pen Pal," about a best friend whose identity is revealed at the end to be paper itself. We discussed the traits of an ideal friend, and how to show these traits via examples, not mere labels. (The full lesson is available on http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Poem-Prompt-for-Essay-Poetry-and-Fiction-Writing-AND-Introspection-880284). One of the exercises calls for students to write a mock “Wanted” advertisement, describing in as few specific words as possible, the best friend they seek. I told them not to use trait words, such as “compassionate,” but rather, to SHOW the traits they seek with examples (such as, “She always makes room for me when I need to express my feelings”). I also told them to make every word count, practicing the “economy of words” in their ads or poems. This was one of my favorites:


LOST
By K.E., age 12

*A person with an open mind, open heart, and open arms
*A person able to pick me up in my most shattered state
*A person who can glue me back together with kind, reassuring words
*A person who can accept any and all of my differences and can love them
*A person who will support me when doing the right thing, but argue against me when doing wrong
*A person who can see the worst part of me and never tell a soul
*A person who can sit down with me when I’m crying and weep next to me, even without knowing what’s happened
*A person who would be able to put everything down to rush to my side

If found, please contact me at 1-800-Find-Plz


Please tell K.E. which of her lines moved you most by leaving a comment below.

Word-Spinning with Euphemisms, Slanted Words, and Partial Information

My lesson on "The Power of Words To Manipulate Readers," was one of the recent favorites of all of my students, because it allowed them to play with words and see how they could “modify” or “spin” facts to soften harsh realities and control the reader's perceptions. The full lesson is available on my page at TeachersPayTeachers.com (http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Understanding-Euphemisms-Ambiguities-and-Twisted-Wording-in-Nonfiction-919808). Students wrote for each other a brief, direct description of a criminal's life story, and then they rewrote that story with euphemistic descriptions to make the criminal sound like a hero, without actually changing the facts. This verbal manipulation was a challenge my students met and enjoyed, a challenge that taught them the subtle power of words to alter a reader's perspective. It also taught them the importance of critical thinking and critical reading to avoid being unwittingly manipulated by alleged nonfiction articles.

Here are examples of the "straight stories" versus the "spun stories":

The Life of John Carlton, by D.S., age 10 (He wrote both parts of his story.)

"STRAIGHT" OBITUARY:

John Carlton Smith, also known as The Smashing Smith, was illegitimately born on September 22, 1935 to an unemployed migrant worker from Cuba, Jason Cortez Smith, and an immigrant from Mexico, Cortina Carlton Hermana. Both illegally immigrated to the United States, but were allowed to stay because their son, John Carlton Smith, was now an American citizen. From what records exist, it seems that Smith was a good student when he was young, getting accepted into Harvard University. However, his grades fell rapidly, and, in his second year, suspended for "destruction of private property and public property belonging to the State of Massachusses.” He was forced to hand over his name, signature, and photograph to help the police track him down if he ever began illicit activities again. It seems that, after both his father and mother died, John quit college and bought a passage to Calcutta, India, under a 2 month work visa. After the two months were up, John, having joined a multinational ring of drug dealers and thieves that frequently paid visits to the Louvre in Paris, and the Metropolitan in New York. He smuggled 82,108 tons of heroin and opium before he was arrested and tried by authorities in Afghanistan. He died of a heart attack on September 23, 1999 while serving out a lifetime sentence in Afghanistan.

"SPUN" STORY:

John Carlton Smith- (22 September, 1935 – 23 September, 1999)
John Carlton Smith was born to a Latin-American heritage on September 22, 1935. His parents, Jason Cortez Smith and Cortina Carlton Hermana, were both immigrants from the coasts of the Gulf of Mexico. They worked on farms in various locations across America, eventually meeting each other at a farm in the heartlands of America. Despite the fact that he had to transfer schools multiple times, he was able to maintain a spotless record through the first year of college. He attended the prestigious Harvard College. He maintained the spotless record even until the beginning of his second year at Harvard. That year, he had the honor of meeting with state officials, even giving his name and photograph to them. After his mother and father passed away, John decided to take a break from college, and headed on a ship bound for Calcutta, India. He planned on staying only two months, but ended up being employed by a multinational drug company that serviced millions of people worldwide. He also took up the hobby of collecting valuables, such as antique oil paintings, vintage items, and other such goods. He frequented museums like the Louvre in Paris, and the Metropolitan in New York. He carried over 82,108 tons of medicine and valuables before he was retired by government officials. He was invited to stay at a government facility in Afghanistan, and graciously accepted the offer. Sadly, he passed away while staying in the government facility, leaving us because of a heart attack on September 23, 1999. We all miss this man, who influenced thousands of people from the young generation, and thousands more to come.


The Story of Joseph Tissue, by B.C., age 13 (He wrote the straight story, and I "modified" it.)

"STRAIGHT" STORY:

Joseph Tissue was born on 1943. He is known as one of the most dangerous gangsters of all time. He robbed several banks, killed hundreds of people, and had one of the largest cocaine factories in the world. He also killed Franklin Roosevelt's cook, Pop Lolli. However, all legends and great stories must come to an end. Joseph Tissue was finally arrested in 1973 and was hung in 1975.

"SPUN" STORY:

Mr. Joseph Tissue, born in 1943, grew up to become one of the most awe-inspiring community organizers of all time. Several banks awarded him sums of cash, and hundreds of people gave their lives for him. Tissue directed one of the world's largest drug companies, serving people worldwide. President Franklin Roosevelt's cook, Pop Lolli, laid down his life for Mr. Tissue and stories about Mr. Tissue spread. In 1973, his followers finally forced him to take a break from his busy working life for two years, at which time they invited him to hang out for the last time.


The Story of Vandals, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, by B.C., same as above (I wrote the straight story, he spun it.)

"STRAIGHT" STORY:

Two students at Everton Middle School, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, sprayed graffiti all over the new handball courts, depicting violent scenes from graphic novels, logos of skateboard companies, and hateful profanity directed at various teachers. Police tracked down the vandals at school the next day and arrested them, charging them with "malicious destruction of property." They were taken to the local juvenile detention center and booked for their crimes.

"SPUN" STORY:

Artists of Everton Middle School, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, painted handball courts with their Manga heroes and skateboard sponsors, and even special notes and comments to some of their favorite teachers. However, due to their growing fame, including with government officials, they have been taken in personally for signatures and photograph signings.


The whirling maelstrom of spun words continues in my classes as I keep using this lesson to teach kids the power of words: how they influence people and how they influence us. The students doing this lesson with me also analyze editorials in search of slanted words meant to affect your opinions. If you want to try the "word-spinning" aspect of this lesson yourself, either download it from the link to TeachersPayTeachers (printed above), or simply try spinning your own stories from actual news briefs. Feel free to share your results in the comments below!

Aim To Change the Way Your Reader Sees the World

Do you want a goal for laboring over word choices, to justify the time it takes to come up with that perfect description? How about aiming to change the way your reader sees the world in some small way? Now that may sound like a lofty goal, maybe even overdramatic to you; however, I achieved that goal during a private lesson the other day, according to my 8th-grade student, B.

I opened my lesson by explaining to B that "literal language says just what it means, nothing more; whereas figurative language means more than what it says." She smiled and replied, "Huh...I never thought of it that way, but you're right."

Then I presented some examples of figurative imagery. First I asked her to read this sentence aloud:


The sand is like crumbled mountains, dissolved by lapping waves.


I asked, "If you read that sentence without the simile, you have a literal description of sand being lapped by waves, right?" She read it softly to herself and nodded. "And if you substitute the simile 'like coarse brown sugar' for the crumbled mountains simile, how would the sentence change?"

She wrinkled her brow. "Hmm. Well, it would describe what the sand looked like. But it's not as good as the first simile."

"Why not? It's a sweeter image, right?"

She chuckled. "Yes. But it's not as descriptive as 'crumbled mountains.' It only says what the sand looks like, but not what it's...what it's LIKE."

I prompted her further: "Okay, elaborate on that. What else, besides how the sand looks, does the image of crumbled mountains suggest to you?"

Her eyes lit up. "Time passing! It takes a long time for mountains to crumble." I was still nodding happily as she added, "Erosion!"

"Yes, yes! So it makes you think of sand a-a-as..." I led her with my rising tone.

"As pieces of mountains, not just...sand."

"Yes!" I then gave her a short metaphorical poem I wrote as an expansion of the same image. "Here. Now read this poem, please. 'The Sands of Time.'"

She read it aloud:


SANDS OF TIME

Former mountain fortresses,
eroded by the sea:
the children now rebuild your grains
into tiny castles,
still threatened by the tides of change.


"Ooh, I like that," she murmured.

"From fortresses to tiny castles, eh?" I asked, smiling.

"Yeah. I never would have thought of that. That's really cool."

I was beaming, I'm sure. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it. Okay, so how does figurative language affect a reader's perception of a scene?"

She explained, "It makes me see a new perspective, something I might not see it on my own." She paused. "Like, I'll never look at the sand at the beach the same way after reading your poem."

"You've just summed up the very reason I write, B! So that I can change the way people see the world, even in a small way!"

Now she was beaming, too.

Handing her a selection of gorgeous landscape photos torn out of an old calendar, I asked her to write her own unique perspective on one of the scenes, focusing not on how it looks, but on what it looks LIKE. "Write your own metaphorical poem." She selected a photo of rolling green hills and wrote a first draft about Mother Nature covered by her thick green blanket, slowly shifting under the grassy fabric over time--a peaceful napping earth. I will remember her metaphor when I go hiking over the green hills near my home tomorrow morning!

Beyond Grade-Level Expectations

I was discussing To Kill a Mockingbird with a 5th grade student of mine, and we analyzed what Scout meant about Atticus treating her and Jem the same outside the house as he does inside--in short, that he's NOT a hypocrite. Lighting up, she exclaimed, "Oh! So he's like Dr. Seuss's character who 'says what me means and means what he says'? That's the opposite of a hypocrite, too, right?" How about that for critical thinking? By a 5th grader! Studying a high-school required reading book! Offering her unique text-to-text analysis! And the greatest part of this whole lesson was the SECOND part: we analyzed the scene in which the teacher, Miss Caroline, admonishes Scout for writing cursive as a first grader, when "we don't write until the third grade." My 5th grade student smiled as she commented, "That teacher doesn't believe kids should do work above their grade level."

"You mean like writing responses to high-school-level books?" I laughed. "Now write an essay-style paragraph about the role of teachers, using concrete details from this passage about Miss Caroline and Scout." She proceeded to write a very thoughtful, not-at-all-5th-grade-level, thematic paragraph.

I love teaching!

I think the best way that high school and college English teachers can counteract the product-oriented influence of the education system, which precludes in-depth self-analysis and revision of writings, is to assign a final paper about the student's own evolution as a writer. The paper would require that they cite examples from their own previous works as evidence of their progress. I call this the "Introspective Analysis of Writing Progress" essay, which doubles as a comparative literature paper. Using literature THEY have created, students can find new meaning in the typical comparative essay, by comparing their skills and style from one essay to another. They could address issues such as:

~strength and clarity of thesis
~strength and clarity of main points in support of thesis
~conciseness/elimination of superfluous words
~logical progression of points
~effectiveness of concrete details as illustrations of main points
~evocative quality of commentary
~specificity (versus vagueness) in word choices
~smoothness of transitions
~subtlety in expressing opinions
~quality of technical details, such as grammar, punctuation, spelling
~liveliness of writing style (active vs. passive phrasing, vivid words)
~the degree to which the opening entices reading
~the degree to which the conclusion leaves readers thinking.

I think that assigning that kind of essay, toward the end of a semester, or even as a final, can allow students to leave a writing or literature class understanding their overall growth. But they do need to know about the introspective analysis essay from the beginning of the semester, which will heighten their consciousness as they write. The most meaningful means of progress is introspection.