Writing by Emulation: Using Student Writings as Prompts for Other Students

     "Without _____" was the prompt for a poem in which the poet imagines a life without a certain possession, condition, luxury item, ingredient, or anything we might take for granted. As example poems, I shared three "Without..." poems, written by my students over the years: one about life without sugar (with lines such as, "Sweet Tarts would only be tart"); one about life without the color green ("the name we use to remember the colors of the rainbow would be missing his middle initial: ROY BIV"), and one (by me) about life without adjectives ("a thesaurus would not only sound like a dinosaur, but also be extinct, like one").

      Ethan, a nine year old, found this prompt very inspiring: he wrote these two final drafts in his notebook. I have retyped them below. Note that the odd spacing in one of the verses in the first poem was written in the shape of a smartphone; and that one blank page interrupted the second poem, on purpose.

Without Smartphones
by Ethan 

Without smartphones, people would
need to walk to talk
to their friends!

Without smartphones, you would
need to write letters
instead of e-mailing!

Without smartphones, people would
need to go outside
to play instead of
playing games
on their phones!

Without smartphones, people would
need to draw instead of
taking pictures 
with their phones!

Without smartphones, you couldn't
talk to your friend or
cousin in Singapore!

Without smartphones, people would
need to check on the calendar
to know what day it was!

Without smartphones, people would
go outside more,
and play more board games.

Without smartphones, people would

need                                                   to
    
go                                                      out-
 
si-                                                       de

to                                                       che-

ck                                                       the

wea-                                                   th-

e                                                           r

and wouldn't know where they were
without Google maps!



       And now, here's the other "Without..." poem by Ethan:

Without Writing

by Ethan

Without writing
the world would be
disastrous.

Without writing
people would not
read books.

Without writing
you would walk into
a store and say,
“Can I have
that candy
in the red
package that
has a rainbow on it?”

Without writing
Books would
be pages with
pictures and
nobody
would
understand.

Without writing
this poem would
be this:

                                               [HE LEFT A BLANK PAGE HERE]






A world without writing
Would be a disaster.

Kids Prompting Kids with Healthy Competition Through Emulation

          Young writing students find a special kind of inspiration and motivation in high-quality works written by their peers. They also learn a lot about critiquing and editing from reading words by other kids. That is why I especially like to teach pairs or small groups of students, and facilitate their shared feedback and collaboration. And that is also why I like to use works by young authors as writing prompts. Whether I'm sharing a poignant piece written by another of my students, or a published work by a kid author featured in a children's magazine, I find that my students react with a healthy sense of competition to such prompts, driven to write words as memorable as the ones written by someone close to their age. "If a kid my age can write something that good, so can I," they tell themselves.

          Using a short memoir by another young author, "My Gygy," by Joseph Sicurezza, published in Creative Kids (Fall 2007), I asked 9-year-old Nakita to write a similar piece--full of vivid, multi-sensory imagery--about a treasured possession from her early childhood.  I explained the meaning of retrospective narration, "looking back at the past, from the present, like a storyteller does, and then reflecting on that object from the past." Her first draft offered what sounded like an outline for this final version; it lacked details and relied on "telling" not "showing" kinds of words. I read the piece aloud to her, and then asked pointed questions about what it felt LIKE  to wear those slippers, and what she used to do while wearing them. Her answers resulted in more vivid imagery, as well as some figurative descriptions, which ended up in this final draft of "My Slippers."

My Slippers

by Nakita, age 9

    I received my pair of bunny slippers when I was about 6 months old. When I was younger, I played and played and played with my bunny slippers. I remember when I wore my favorite slippers, and they glided me across the wooden floor like ice skates. My feet dug into my soft and cozy slippers when I crawled on the carpet . My slippers still smell like sweet mango from the juice dripping on them from snack time. Shh! went my slippers when I went across the wooden floor.

    Then I remember the day when I lost one of my bunny slippers. I cried so hard that my face turned red. I saw the remaining slipper by me, and I saw the tiny stuffed bear I always lost when I slept with it. I GOT AN IDEA! I quickly grabbed my slipper and my bear. I put the bear into the hollow area of the slipper where my foot went. My slipper was now a placeholder for my bear!

    From that day, I have kept my bunny slipper on my nightstand. Whenever I come into my room, I remember the memories of the slipper and how it made a wonderful home for my tiny, stuffed bear.

TIPS FOR WRITING A PERSONAL STATEMENT (PERSONAL NARRATIVE ESSAY)

          So many students have come to me to work on personal statements (a.k.a. personal narrative essays) for university admissions, scholarships, and school assignments that I decide to create a tip sheet to assist them in creating a first draft on their own. The tip sheet (copied below) will empower them with independence during the initial writing stage, as well as the first editing stage--substantive editing (which covers issues of substance, over style and grammar, etc.).  By carefully using the tip sheet to create second drafts, students can expedite the entire essay-writing process by reducing the level of my involvement to the final "polishing" or proofreading stage. Here are my tips:

1.  Be sure that the essay is actually PERSONAL—a vivid story specifically about you, which only you can share/show via recounting your memories. Avoid generic statements about your skills, talents, traits, or passions; SHOW those qualities--don’t merely tell about them.
2.  Use a retrospective narrative style: a) start in the present, to briefly introduce the theme; b) then bring the reader back in time, into a vividly recalled memory; and c) conclude with an introspective reflection, looking into yourself and what you have learned/gained.
3.  Use fiction techniques, such as Susan L. Lipson’s “D.A.D. Technique” (Description, Action, Dialogue), to share a story that illustrates your specific traits and/or accomplishments via an event.
4. You can borrow some other writer’s wise words (a quotation) as your opening, but be sure to build upon those quoted words as you begin your first sentence. Don’t just use a quotation as an opener without directly referring to its wisdom as it relates to your personal story.
5. Read your essay aloud and delete repetitive words (even entire sentences that only restate what you have already said before, just in different words).
6. Delete also any words that veer off the topic.
7. Listen to someone else read your essay aloud, slowly, and make notes about any lines which cause the reader to halt, stammer, seem confused, or sound bored or repetitive. Based on your notes, find ways to clarify or enhance the power of your word choices (see the next item, below).
8. Replace all vague words with specific details that create mental movies in the minds of readers. For example: instead of merely telling readers, “I was disappointed that I spent most of the baseball season on the bench;” show them your perspective, how you watched through the fence as your teammates played instead of you.
9. Delete passive verbs (such as am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been, go, goes, went, do, does, did) and replace them with active, precise verbs that create images in the reader’s mind. DON’T RELY ON WEAK VERBS ENHANCED BY ADVERBS (ending in -ly). TOO MANY ADVERBS MIGHT MEAN THAT YOU HAVEN’T FOUND PRECISE ENOUGH VERBS. For example, replace "walked softly" with "tiptoed."
10. Replace all clichés with original expressions; don’t rely on words so commonly used that they feel predictable.
11. Finally, ask yourself, will my reader know me better after reading my essay?

MINIMAL WORDS FOR MAXIMUM IMPACT

Conveying Concepts Clearly & Concisely:

An Exercise To Focus on Using Only Necessary Words

Can a story plot/mood/genre show itself in just six words? Read the six-word “stories” below, in the left column. Match each mini-story with the conceptual that best describes the plot.

Story:                                                                                     Title:

A) She died. “I cried,” he lied.                    1) DISILLUSIONED

B) She lied, “I tried.” He cried.                   2) GULLIBLE

C) She sighed, “He lied.” I cried.                3) NO LOSS

Write your own mini-stories in 6-10 words, not including titles. You need not rhyme as I have.

This exercise will force you to use only necessary words to convey the plot. Some conceptual title suggestions follow, or you may create your own.

·       CATASTROPHE

·      NEW BEGINNING

·      UNEXPECTED LOVE

·      SERENDIPITY

·      VENGEANCE

·      BETRAYAL

·      REJECTION

·      EPIPHANY

Poetic Thoughts on Education

On Education

by S. L. Lipson

Teaching to prepare for tests—

At best, I call that “training”;

Teaching means igniting thoughts,

Not pouring facts, then draining.

Writing is an art, a skill,

Never quantifiable,

Rated best by knowing nods,

Feedback that’s reliable;

Questions that elicit thoughts,

Empowering revisions,

Coaching that enables them

To make their own decisions.

I want to spark awe for words,

And stress communication;

I want to teach not for scores,

But for true education.

When I Cannot Refer to a Student as an "Aspiring" Writer Anymore

     An eleven-year-old student looked up at me during a lesson, after his pen came to a screeching halt (well, in my mind anyway), signifying the pause of his creative flow. His eyes refocused, as if he were awakening from a great dream, and he slowly grinned as he declared, "I just noticed that my character is becoming a very paranoid person. Hmm..." He tapped his pen thoughtfully against his notepad.

     As he was nodding, looking away from me again, back to his paper, I noticed something equally surprising: this aspiring writer had just transformed before my eyes into a real writer, for his character had taken on a life of his own! I expect to be tweeting about his books someday. He is now the conductor of his own train, and I'm just the guiding voice on the overhead speakers, calling out the stops along his way.

   

Writing Teacher as Choreographer

Choreographed Prompt

by S. L. Lipson

My student does not like it

when I play peppy classical music--

or does he?

He fidgets with his pen,

raising and lowering it,

but not onto his paper,

where he is supposed to be writing.

He waves the pen,

watching it as if watching a windshield wiper,

to the rhythm of the music.

He's conducting, not creating,

joyfully unproductive.

Maybe classical music deafens his muse. 

I switch radio channels to blues 

and his pen stops dancing, 

as he leans back in his chair

and takes a deep breath,

then leans forward and lowers his pen slowly

to his mostly blank page.

He starts writing, word by word at first,

and suddenly in a stream.

His posture projects passion through his pen.

Finally, he clicks his pen shut, rereads, sighs, 

and looks up at me.

"Wow, this is the saddest thing

I've ever written."

His eyes look glassy.

I smile,

a content choreographer.  

For more poetry by S. L. Lipson, check out www.susanllipson.blogspot.com, my other blog titled "Writing Memorable Words."