Translate

Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Mash-Ups Aren't Just for Music: Rewritten Endings Can Make Good Beginnings


     Many music editors and musicians-in-training create mash-ups--the blending of two songs with similar or complementary musical patterns to create a mix that reflects the essences and common aspects of both pieces, and often enhances each piece via juxtaposition (side-by-side contrast).  Creating mash-ups is not something non-musicians do to seem like musicians; they must have an ear for layering and overlapping riffs, and an understanding of the feel of a musical composition to create a successful mash-up.
     Since poems are just spoken songs without distinct melodies--but with distinct rhythms!--I decided to allow my aspiring poet students the chance to make a mash-up of poetry, using one of my own poems, finished in a new way, their way. (You can do this with any poem that moves you, as long as you credit the original poet and don't try to sell your new "collaboration.") My poem, "Intimidation," presents an scene in an office, between a person of power (a boss, a teacher, a mentor) and a person who needs his/her help. The  person needing help reveals the growth of his/her intimidation in the face of the powerful person's arrogant coldness, and he/she leaves the office clearly feeling lower than before. I asked my students to alter the ending, removing the last few lines and replacing them with words of empowerment, words that will allow the narrator to reject the feeling of intimidation. Their new endings would function like mash-ups, or remixes, in music, creating a surprising new meaning from the blend of the two parts, while maintaining the rhythm. Students responded very well to this chance to build upon and alter my poem, and to virtually "get revenge" on all of the adults who have intimidated them in the past. Some turned the poem into a story, featuring Description, Action , and Dialogue (my "D.A.D. technique for writing word pictures"). I could almost hear the lines of my poem between their dialogue lines. (I might even try that idea, an overlapping reading of the poem with the story, for another class!)

     Below is my student B.C.'s mash-up/collaboration/remix of "Intimidation," featuring his new lines (highlighted) at the end. This sample was one of the best examples I can share with you because he maintained the tone and style, and then he wrote a thoughtful, essay-style, reflection paragraph (something I like having my older students do after many assignments) to round out the learning process. The paragraph follows the poem.

Intimidation Remix
by B.C., a 9th grader

I come in big.
I have questions I want answered.
I sit down.
You look down.
You lean back in your chair
and look over the top of your glasses.
You raise your eyebrows at me.
“And?” you say.
“So?” you say.
I fidget.
I stammer.
I blurt, “Uh, thank you for your time,”
and rise shakily.
You remain seated.
You look down at me above you.
I stop and think
I recompose my self
and say “No.”
I stand taller
and remember my purpose
I leave big,
bigger than you.



B.C.'s reflections on this assignment (using the given quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt)
A wise woman once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Eleanor Roosevelt, one of the most famous first ladies, is saying that people feel inferior because of themselves, by believing in what other people say or how other people are treating them.  In addition, in Intimidation Remix by Susan Lipson and Brian Chung, they write, “I stand taller and remember my purpose.  I leave big, bigger than you.”  They are saying that no one can control your life but yourself and that you should be proud of who you are.  All in all, people should remember that even though there are billions of people, they are still special and they should live the way they want, without people telling or commanding them how to live.  They should also be happy and joyful, and remember that only they can control their attitude and self-worth.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Noticing the Spark that Fans the Flames

          When my 10-year-old student looked up from the story he was writing, grinned, and declared, ” I just noticed that my character is becoming a very paranoid person," I realized that he is not just a writing student anymore. He "noticed" his character's transformation as though it were being revealed to him by his Muse. That, in my mind, is the sign of a real writer.

          A couple posts ago, on my "Writing Memorable Words" blog, I interviewed some successful children's novelists about how they know when a character has truly come to life on the page. They offered pearls worth reading and then pondering as you read your own words. I could have added this boy's delighted observation to that post. 


          Here's a poem, about--and inspired by--noticing




Engulfed
by S. L. Lipson

An
author-
in-progress,
notices a spark
and then a glow
at his pencil's tip,
as embers spread,
   amazing his eyes,
while burning designs 
that describe and
define and engulf
the page, as well as
his imagination,
 illuminate
new beings
and worlds,
as if he
himself
said,
"Let
there
be
light!"





Monday, January 6, 2014

Trees Provide Inspiration as Well as Paper!

Yes, we often write on paper, provided by generous trees, who give their lives for our memorable, vivid words. But trees can provide inspirations for such words, too!

The following song, soon to be posted as a recording on my website, celebrates the tree as an example for living by viewing trees in figurative terms, through double-meanings, metaphors, and symbols. After reading the lyrics, think of some other part of Nature that offers us a role model as inspiring as a tree. Maybe you will write about mountains or streams, oceans or clouds, rainbows or flowers, bees, birds, butterflies, animals…the list is as broad as your imagination!



If Everyone Lived Like the Tree

A song by Susan L. Lipson © 2003


Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree!  [Repeat]

Reaching upward, toward the Light,
Even during the darkest night,
Standing firmly upon our ground,
As each new season comes around.

We always value our deep, strong roots,
Just as much as our new, green shoots.
Limbs extended, we all embrace
All of the Earth and all in space.

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

Broadening while we’re heightening,
Though stormy weather is frightening,
We grow by giving to our Earth,
Showing how much our lives are worth.

We give far more than we receive,
Living upright until we leave;
We blossom proudly, and don’t feel shame,
When buds and trunks are not the same….

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

We dance with earthquakes and in monsoons,
Branches catching harsh winds as tunes,
And while they whistle, we all conduct,
Waving limbs as our leaves are plucked.

We offer shelter, and food, and shade,
And only ask for respect in trade,
We weather seasons so gracefully,
Happy to live life like a tree.

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

If everyone lived like the tree!
If everyone lived like…
         the tree!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Poem Prompt To Elicit Introspection about Friendship


I asked students to read a poem titled "Pen Pal," about a best friend whose identity is revealed at the end to be paper itself. We discussed the traits of an ideal friend, and how to show these traits via examples, not mere labels. (The full lesson is available on http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Poem-Prompt-for-Essay-Poetry-and-Fiction-Writing-AND-Introspection-880284). One of the exercises calls for students to write a mock “Wanted” advertisement, describing in as few specific words as possible, the best friend they seek. I told them not to use trait words, such as “compassionate,” but rather, to SHOW the traits they seek with examples (such as, “She always makes room for me when I need to express my feelings”). I also told them to make every word count, practicing the “economy of words” in their ads or poems. This was one of my favorites:


LOST
By K.E., age 12

*A person with an open mind, open heart, and open arms
*A person able to pick me up in my most shattered state
*A person who can glue me back together with kind, reassuring words
*A person who can accept any and all of my differences and can love them
*A person who will support me when doing the right thing, but argue against me when doing wrong
*A person who can see the worst part of me and never tell a soul
*A person who can sit down with me when I’m crying and weep next to me, even without knowing what’s happened
*A person who would be able to put everything down to rush to my side

If found, please contact me at 1-800-Find-Plz


Please tell K.E. which of her lines moved you most by leaving a comment below.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Student Work! A Touching Poem About Swishing Away Stress



A young teenage student responded to a poetry prompt called "Shredding the Cloak of Angst," about choosing to combat stress with an activity that either ignites our passions or soothes our souls. In the poem (which I wrote), the stressed-out writer decides to walk away from the blank computer screen awaiting her typing, and from her household and community responsibilities, to turn up her favorite music, and simply dance without thinking, dancing with her soul as well as her body. J.Z., in his poem below, finds that kind of healthy release in playing basketball. His poem shows clearly how stress-relief doesn't have to mean escaping into unhealthy patterns, but rather, redirecting oneself into fulfilling, fun activities that re-balance us.


Swish
by J.Z.

To throw out the cloak of anxiety
The one that is invisible,
Growing heavier day by day,
Crushing down my soul,
While the crying basketball
is getting softer and softer,
above the ground,
To free myself from its devastating touch,
I get my basketball shorts,
My shiny, black basketball shoes,
And turn on my ipod,
to the most pumped up songs,
I close my eyes,
then BOOM,
Im a new person
ready to shine on the court,
As I take a great sigh,
I blow off the dust in my soul,
I began to bounce the ball
On the golden ground,
Over and over again,
As every piece of dust in my soul has vanished,
I jump for my shot,
and swish, goes the net.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Aim To Change the Way Your Reader Sees the World


Do you want a goal for laboring over word choices, to justify the time it takes to come up with that perfect description? How about aiming to change the way your reader sees the world in some small way? Now that may sound like a lofty goal, maybe even overdramatic to you; however, I achieved that goal during a private lesson the other day, according to my 8th-grade student, B.

I opened my lesson by explaining to B that "literal language says just what it means, nothing more; whereas figurative language means more than what it says." She smiled and replied, "Huh...I never thought of it that way, but you're right."

Then I presented some examples of figurative imagery. First I asked her to read this sentence aloud:


The sand is like crumbled mountains, dissolved by lapping waves.


I asked, "If you read that sentence without the simile, you have a literal description of sand being lapped by waves, right?" She read it softly to herself and nodded. "And if you substitute the simile 'like coarse brown sugar' for the crumbled mountains simile, how would the sentence change?"

She wrinkled her brow. "Hmm. Well, it would describe what the sand looked like. But it's not as good as the first simile."

"Why not? It's a sweeter image, right?"

She chuckled. "Yes. But it's not as descriptive as 'crumbled mountains.' It only says what the sand looks like, but not what it's...what it's LIKE."

I prompted her further: "Okay, elaborate on that. What else, besides how the sand looks, does the image of crumbled mountains suggest to you?"

Her eyes lit up. "Time passing! It takes a long time for mountains to crumble." I was still nodding happily as she added, "Erosion!"

"Yes, yes! So it makes you think of sand a-a-as..." I led her with my rising tone.

"As pieces of mountains, not just...sand."

"Yes!" I then gave her a short metaphorical poem I wrote as an expansion of the same image. "Here. Now read this poem, please. 'The Sands of Time.'"

She read it aloud:


SANDS OF TIME

Former mountain fortresses,
eroded by the sea:
the children now rebuild your grains
into tiny castles,
still threatened by the tides of change.



"Ooh, I like that," she murmured.

"From fortresses to tiny castles, eh?" I asked, smiling.

"Yeah. I never would have thought of that. That's really cool."

I was beaming, I'm sure. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it. Okay, so how does figurative language affect a reader's perception of a scene?"

She explained, "It makes me see a new perspective, something I might not see it on my own." She paused. "Like, I'll never look at the sand at the beach the same way after reading your poem."

"You've just summed up the very reason I write, B! So that I can change the way people see the world, even in a small way!"

Now she was beaming, too.

Handing her a selection of gorgeous landscape photos torn out of an old calendar, I asked her to write her own unique perspective on one of the scenes, focusing not on how it looks, but on what it looks LIKE. "Write your own metaphorical poem." She selected a photo of rolling green hills and wrote a first draft about Mother Nature covered by her thick green blanket, slowly shifting under the grassy fabric over time--a peaceful napping earth. I will remember her metaphor when I go hiking over the green hills near my home tomorrow morning!