Mash-Ups Aren't Just for Music: Rewritten Endings Can Make Good Beginnings

     Many music editors and musicians-in-training create mash-ups--the blending of two songs with similar or complementary musical patterns to create a mix that reflects the essences and common aspects of both pieces, and often enhances each piece via juxtaposition (side-by-side contrast).  Creating mash-ups is not something non-musicians do to seem like musicians; they must have an ear for layering and overlapping riffs, and an understanding of the feel of a musical composition to create a successful mash-up.

     Since poems are just spoken songs without distinct melodies--but with distinct rhythms!--I decided to allow my aspiring poet students the chance to make a mash-up of poetry, using one of my own poems, finished in a new way, their way. (You can do this with any poem that moves you, as long as you credit the original poet and don't try to sell your new "collaboration.") My poem, "Intimidation," presents an scene in an office, between a person of power (a boss, a teacher, a mentor) and a person who needs his/her help. The  person needing help reveals the growth of his/her intimidation in the face of the powerful person's arrogant coldness, and he/she leaves the office clearly feeling lower than before. I asked my students to alter the ending, removing the last few lines and replacing them with words of empowerment, words that will allow the narrator to reject the feeling of intimidation. Their new endings would function like mash-ups, or remixes, in music, creating a surprising new meaning from the blend of the two parts, while maintaining the rhythm. Students responded very well to this chance to build upon and alter my poem, and to virtually "get revenge" on all of the adults who have intimidated them in the past. Some turned the poem into a story, featuring Description, Action , and Dialogue (my "D.A.D. technique for writing word pictures"). I could almost hear the lines of my poem between their dialogue lines. (I might even try that idea, an overlapping reading of the poem with the story, for another class!)

     Below is my student B.C.'s mash-up/collaboration/remix of "Intimidation," featuring his new lines (highlighted) at the end. This sample was one of the best examples I can share with you because he maintained the tone and style, and then he wrote a thoughtful, essay-style, reflection paragraph (something I like having my older students do after many assignments) to round out the learning process. The paragraph follows the poem.

Intimidation Remix

by B.C., a 9th grader

I come in big.

I have questions I want answered.

I sit down.

You look down.

You lean back in your chair

and look over the top of your glasses.

You raise your eyebrows at me.

“And?” you say.

“So?” you say.

I fidget.

I stammer.

I blurt, “Uh, thank you for your time,”

and rise shakily.

You remain seated.

You look down at me above you.

I stop and think

I recompose my self

and say “No.”

I stand taller

and remember my purpose

I leave big,

bigger than you.

B.C.'s reflections on this assignment (using the given quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt)

A wise woman once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Eleanor Roosevelt, one of the most famous first ladies, is saying that people feel inferior because of themselves, by believing in what other people say or how other people are treating them.  In addition, in Intimidation Remix by Susan Lipson and Brian Chung, they write, “I stand taller and remember my purpose.  I leave big, bigger than you.”  They are saying that no one can control your life but yourself and that you should be proud of who you are.  All in all, people should remember that even though there are billions of people, they are still special and they should live the way they want, without people telling or commanding them how to live.  They should also be happy and joyful, and remember that only they can control their attitude and self-worth.

Word-Spinning with Euphemisms, Slanted Words, and Partial Information

My lesson on "The Power of Words To Manipulate Readers," was one of the recent favorites of all of my students, because it allowed them to play with words and see how they could “modify” or “spin” facts to soften harsh realities and control the reader's perceptions. The full lesson is available on my page at TeachersPayTeachers.com (http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Understanding-Euphemisms-Ambiguities-and-Twisted-Wording-in-Nonfiction-919808). Students wrote for each other a brief, direct description of a criminal's life story, and then they rewrote that story with euphemistic descriptions to make the criminal sound like a hero, without actually changing the facts. This verbal manipulation was a challenge my students met and enjoyed, a challenge that taught them the subtle power of words to alter a reader's perspective. It also taught them the importance of critical thinking and critical reading to avoid being unwittingly manipulated by alleged nonfiction articles.

Here are examples of the "straight stories" versus the "spun stories":

The Life of John Carlton, by D.S., age 10 (He wrote both parts of his story.)

"STRAIGHT" OBITUARY:

John Carlton Smith, also known as The Smashing Smith, was illegitimately born on September 22, 1935 to an unemployed migrant worker from Cuba, Jason Cortez Smith, and an immigrant from Mexico, Cortina Carlton Hermana. Both illegally immigrated to the United States, but were allowed to stay because their son, John Carlton Smith, was now an American citizen. From what records exist, it seems that Smith was a good student when he was young, getting accepted into Harvard University. However, his grades fell rapidly, and, in his second year, suspended for "destruction of private property and public property belonging to the State of Massachusses.” He was forced to hand over his name, signature, and photograph to help the police track him down if he ever began illicit activities again. It seems that, after both his father and mother died, John quit college and bought a passage to Calcutta, India, under a 2 month work visa. After the two months were up, John, having joined a multinational ring of drug dealers and thieves that frequently paid visits to the Louvre in Paris, and the Metropolitan in New York. He smuggled 82,108 tons of heroin and opium before he was arrested and tried by authorities in Afghanistan. He died of a heart attack on September 23, 1999 while serving out a lifetime sentence in Afghanistan.

"SPUN" STORY:

John Carlton Smith- (22 September, 1935 – 23 September, 1999)
John Carlton Smith was born to a Latin-American heritage on September 22, 1935. His parents, Jason Cortez Smith and Cortina Carlton Hermana, were both immigrants from the coasts of the Gulf of Mexico. They worked on farms in various locations across America, eventually meeting each other at a farm in the heartlands of America. Despite the fact that he had to transfer schools multiple times, he was able to maintain a spotless record through the first year of college. He attended the prestigious Harvard College. He maintained the spotless record even until the beginning of his second year at Harvard. That year, he had the honor of meeting with state officials, even giving his name and photograph to them. After his mother and father passed away, John decided to take a break from college, and headed on a ship bound for Calcutta, India. He planned on staying only two months, but ended up being employed by a multinational drug company that serviced millions of people worldwide. He also took up the hobby of collecting valuables, such as antique oil paintings, vintage items, and other such goods. He frequented museums like the Louvre in Paris, and the Metropolitan in New York. He carried over 82,108 tons of medicine and valuables before he was retired by government officials. He was invited to stay at a government facility in Afghanistan, and graciously accepted the offer. Sadly, he passed away while staying in the government facility, leaving us because of a heart attack on September 23, 1999. We all miss this man, who influenced thousands of people from the young generation, and thousands more to come.


The Story of Joseph Tissue, by B.C., age 13 (He wrote the straight story, and I "modified" it.)

"STRAIGHT" STORY:

Joseph Tissue was born on 1943. He is known as one of the most dangerous gangsters of all time. He robbed several banks, killed hundreds of people, and had one of the largest cocaine factories in the world. He also killed Franklin Roosevelt's cook, Pop Lolli. However, all legends and great stories must come to an end. Joseph Tissue was finally arrested in 1973 and was hung in 1975.

"SPUN" STORY:

Mr. Joseph Tissue, born in 1943, grew up to become one of the most awe-inspiring community organizers of all time. Several banks awarded him sums of cash, and hundreds of people gave their lives for him. Tissue directed one of the world's largest drug companies, serving people worldwide. President Franklin Roosevelt's cook, Pop Lolli, laid down his life for Mr. Tissue and stories about Mr. Tissue spread. In 1973, his followers finally forced him to take a break from his busy working life for two years, at which time they invited him to hang out for the last time.


The Story of Vandals, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, by B.C., same as above (I wrote the straight story, he spun it.)

"STRAIGHT" STORY:

Two students at Everton Middle School, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, sprayed graffiti all over the new handball courts, depicting violent scenes from graphic novels, logos of skateboard companies, and hateful profanity directed at various teachers. Police tracked down the vandals at school the next day and arrested them, charging them with "malicious destruction of property." They were taken to the local juvenile detention center and booked for their crimes.

"SPUN" STORY:

Artists of Everton Middle School, Michael Fu and Jake Smith, painted handball courts with their Manga heroes and skateboard sponsors, and even special notes and comments to some of their favorite teachers. However, due to their growing fame, including with government officials, they have been taken in personally for signatures and photograph signings.


The whirling maelstrom of spun words continues in my classes as I keep using this lesson to teach kids the power of words: how they influence people and how they influence us. The students doing this lesson with me also analyze editorials in search of slanted words meant to affect your opinions. If you want to try the "word-spinning" aspect of this lesson yourself, either download it from the link to TeachersPayTeachers (printed above), or simply try spinning your own stories from actual news briefs. Feel free to share your results in the comments below!

The 5 R's of Workshop Writing

An effective writing workshop, I have found, must stress what I call the "5 R's":

1) Record (thoughts and ideas)
2) Read rough drafts (aloud, for feedback)
3) Respond (to feedback, and to works read by other writers)
4) Revise (based on feedback)
5) Reflect (upon your progress, in writing, from rough to final draft)

All 5 steps are essential to progress and to giving meaning to the writing process. And the beauty of #5, Reflect, is that students practice the Response-to-Literature essay style on their own work, analyzing their word choices from first to final draft, and drawing conclusions about their stylistic improvement; plus, students create their own progress records via their reflective paragraphs--progress based on qualitative standards they set for themselves.