Mash-Ups Aren't Just for Music: Rewritten Endings Can Make Good Beginnings

     Many music editors and musicians-in-training create mash-ups--the blending of two songs with similar or complementary musical patterns to create a mix that reflects the essences and common aspects of both pieces, and often enhances each piece via juxtaposition (side-by-side contrast).  Creating mash-ups is not something non-musicians do to seem like musicians; they must have an ear for layering and overlapping riffs, and an understanding of the feel of a musical composition to create a successful mash-up.

     Since poems are just spoken songs without distinct melodies--but with distinct rhythms!--I decided to allow my aspiring poet students the chance to make a mash-up of poetry, using one of my own poems, finished in a new way, their way. (You can do this with any poem that moves you, as long as you credit the original poet and don't try to sell your new "collaboration.") My poem, "Intimidation," presents an scene in an office, between a person of power (a boss, a teacher, a mentor) and a person who needs his/her help. The  person needing help reveals the growth of his/her intimidation in the face of the powerful person's arrogant coldness, and he/she leaves the office clearly feeling lower than before. I asked my students to alter the ending, removing the last few lines and replacing them with words of empowerment, words that will allow the narrator to reject the feeling of intimidation. Their new endings would function like mash-ups, or remixes, in music, creating a surprising new meaning from the blend of the two parts, while maintaining the rhythm. Students responded very well to this chance to build upon and alter my poem, and to virtually "get revenge" on all of the adults who have intimidated them in the past. Some turned the poem into a story, featuring Description, Action , and Dialogue (my "D.A.D. technique for writing word pictures"). I could almost hear the lines of my poem between their dialogue lines. (I might even try that idea, an overlapping reading of the poem with the story, for another class!)

     Below is my student B.C.'s mash-up/collaboration/remix of "Intimidation," featuring his new lines (highlighted) at the end. This sample was one of the best examples I can share with you because he maintained the tone and style, and then he wrote a thoughtful, essay-style, reflection paragraph (something I like having my older students do after many assignments) to round out the learning process. The paragraph follows the poem.

Intimidation Remix

by B.C., a 9th grader

I come in big.

I have questions I want answered.

I sit down.

You look down.

You lean back in your chair

and look over the top of your glasses.

You raise your eyebrows at me.

“And?” you say.

“So?” you say.

I fidget.

I stammer.

I blurt, “Uh, thank you for your time,”

and rise shakily.

You remain seated.

You look down at me above you.

I stop and think

I recompose my self

and say “No.”

I stand taller

and remember my purpose

I leave big,

bigger than you.

B.C.'s reflections on this assignment (using the given quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt)

A wise woman once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Eleanor Roosevelt, one of the most famous first ladies, is saying that people feel inferior because of themselves, by believing in what other people say or how other people are treating them.  In addition, in Intimidation Remix by Susan Lipson and Brian Chung, they write, “I stand taller and remember my purpose.  I leave big, bigger than you.”  They are saying that no one can control your life but yourself and that you should be proud of who you are.  All in all, people should remember that even though there are billions of people, they are still special and they should live the way they want, without people telling or commanding them how to live.  They should also be happy and joyful, and remember that only they can control their attitude and self-worth.

Noticing the Spark that Fans the Flames

          When my 10-year-old student looked up from the story he was writing, grinned, and declared, ” I just noticed that my character is becoming a very paranoid person," I realized that he is not just a writing student anymore. He "noticed" his character's transformation as though it were being revealed to him by his Muse. That, in my mind, is the sign of a real writer.

          A couple posts ago, on my "Writing Memorable Words" blog, I interviewed some successful children's novelists about how they know when a character has truly come to life on the page. They offered pearls worth reading and then pondering as you read your own words. I could have added this boy's delighted observation to that post. 

          Here's a poem, about--and inspired by--noticing…

Engulfed

by S. L. Lipson

An

author-

in-progress,

notices a spark

and then a glow

at his pencil's tip,

as embers spread,

   amazing his eyes,

while burning designs 

that describe and

define and engulf

the page, as well as

his imagination,

 illuminate

new beings

and worlds,

as if he

himself

said,

"Let

there

be

light!"

Trees Provide Inspiration as Well as Paper!

Yes, we often write on paper, provided by generous trees, who give their lives for our memorable, vivid words. But trees can provide inspirations for such words, too!

The following song, soon to be posted as a recording on my website, celebrates the tree as an example for living by viewing trees in figurative terms, through double-meanings, metaphors, and symbols. After reading the lyrics, think of some other part of Nature that offers us a role model as inspiring as a tree. Maybe you will write about mountains or streams, oceans or clouds, rainbows or flowers, bees, birds, butterflies, animals…the list is as broad as your imagination!

If Everyone Lived Like the Tree

A song by Susan L. Lipson © 2003

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree!  [Repeat]

Reaching upward, toward the Light,
Even during the darkest night,
Standing firmly upon our ground,
As each new season comes around.

We always value our deep, strong roots,
Just as much as our new, green shoots.
Limbs extended, we all embrace
All of the Earth and all in space.

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

Broadening while we’re heightening,
Though stormy weather is frightening,
We grow by giving to our Earth,
Showing how much our lives are worth.

We give far more than we receive,
Living upright until we leave;
We blossom proudly, and don’t feel shame,
When buds and trunks are not the same….

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

We dance with earthquakes and in monsoons,
Branches catching harsh winds as tunes,
And while they whistle, we all conduct,
Waving limbs as our leaves are plucked.

We offer shelter, and food, and shade,
And only ask for respect in trade,
We weather seasons so gracefully,
Happy to live life like a tree.

Oh, how much better off we’d be,
If everyone lived like the tree! [Repeat]

If everyone lived like the tree!
If everyone lived like…
         the tree!

Humble Pie and Other Savory Figurative Expressions

While discussing idioms, a student asked me whether making someone "eat humble pie" could be a good thing. I said it could be good for the "eater," if the "server" doesn't embarrass him in a mean way, but rather, allows the "eater" to digest his mistake and correct it. I explained that the phrase is similar to "making someone eat their words," or take back what they've claimed and then apologize for offending people. In trying to find new ways to explain the old saying, I came up with this metaphorical line:

HUMBLE PIE IS MOST NOURISHING WHEN SERVED WARM, WITH A SPRINKLE OF SWEET TACT, AND NIBBLED IN SOLITUDE--RATHER THAN SERVED COLD, DRY, AND GULPED IN PUBLIC.

Creating memorable, original metaphors and similes is no easy task. While reading aloud with my students, I call their attention to masterful metaphors and spot-on similes whenever we encounter them in poetic prose. Sometimes I turn our analyses of apt expressions into lessons.

For example, in one lesson about writing fresh--rather than trite--words, I ask students to analyze the plethora of lively similes used by children's book author Bruce Hale in his "Chet Gecko" mystery series. Even though the series targets 8 to 12 year olds, the similes are even more appreciated by ages 12 and up, I've found. We discuss what makes Hale's figurative language memorable--their humorous, surprising comparisons, as well as the fresh twists on old sayings--such as: "It brought more trouble than a busload of candy-crazed chipmunks on Halloween night." I ask whether the opening phrase, "it brought more trouble than," sounds familiar--as in the old saying, "it brought more trouble than a barrel of monkeys." (Some kids recognize that saying, and some don't.) I then point out that the humor of Hale's chipmunk simile is doubled by his twisting of the expected old saying into a fresh, new version. Next, my students choose from a list of Hale's hilarious similes and metaphors a few lines to try rewriting in their own fresh words. 

Here are some samples by 13-year-old F.H., written in response to Hale's memorable lines:

Hale's simile: "The two bruisers advanced on us like a pair of tanks against tricycles."
F.H.'s version: "The two bruisers advanced on us like a shopping cart on Black Friday."

Hale's metaphor: "A buzz-saw voice sliced through the hubbub."
F.H.'s version: "An angry voice broke through the milk drinking contest for the lactose-intolerant."

Hale's simile: "Recess came, sweeter than a honey-covered fruit fly after a plateful of brussels sprouts."  (A gecko's perspective of sweetness, remember!)
F.H.'s version: "Recess came, sweeter than a burning of math text books."


A carefully written figurative expression not only has the power to amuse and/or broaden the reader's perspective, but also the power to develop the character of the narrator or character who uses those poetic words. F.H.'s last simile, above, shows us his narrator's level of love for math books--right? (Or maybe F.H.'s…)  

Anyone involved in teaching or learning about writing can benefit from emulating this exercise. As you read any story, fiction or nonfiction, note figurative expressions that you admire; copy them down; try to make them your own by altering the words as F.H. did. It's a great exercise of your figurative language skills, your humor, and your practice of "showing, not telling." And it will enhance your awe for words as it develops your own awesome writing!

Art Gives Birth to Art: Poetry Born of Photo Prompts

My students, when writing fiction, have heard me coach them with a lot of film references:

• "Your words are the cables that connect the DVD playing in your mind with the DVD player in your reader's mind." (I used to say "video" and "VHS player," so you know how long I've been using this metaphor!)
• "When you write dialogue, think of yourself as a film or TV director, and make your characters do interesting actions while they talk, actions that show us who they are. Like the old saying goes, 'Actions speak louder than words' sometimes."
• "Be sure to add description and action to a dialogue to bring it to life like a movie in the reader's mind; otherwise, if you use only dialogue, it's like listening to a radio show, not a movie."
• "Movies don't start with 'once upon a time'; they pull you right into a scene, and then allow you to figure out what's going on. Write that way, starting with a scene."
• "When you switch speakers in a scene with a lot of dialogue, you indent to help the reader follow who's speaking; it's like a close-up shot in a movie, alternating from one person to another, during a conversation."
• "You can show a character with greater depth, sometimes, via the reactions of other supporting characters. Like in a movie, when an actor says a line, and the others raise their eyebrows and nudge each other, the viewers question their first impression of the main character, which makes that character more interesting."
• "If you rely on adverbs, rather than vivid verbs, to show how an action is done, you're not showing a scene."

My students also hear me comparing the editing process to sculpting or painting:

• "Your first draft is like a piece of wood or stone that you've carved with a basic shape. Then you start editing, or sanding your sculpture, adding texture and changing the form in certain spots. You might chip off certain pieces and then smooth them over again. That's what I call 'editing for substance.' Finally, you polish the sculpture with shellac, or whatever polish you use--and that's the proofreading stage, where you fix the spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes and make the whole piece shine."
• "Start your scenes like a painter starts filling a canvas. Add color with descriptions and actions. Add texture with words that convey a certain mood."
• "When you overuse figurative language, it's like filling a wall with beautiful paintings that all compete with each other so you don't know where to look or what to focus on. One well-placed painting, like a strong metaphor or simile, will draw your eye and make you think, but too many will overwhelm you."

                       

And when I teach poetry, I often give musical references:

• "A poem is a song without music; its rhythm can evoke mood as much as its words."
• "You can rap a couplet poem!"
• "Repetitive phrases act like a song chorus, to make the reader remember the point of the poem."

In short, what I'm writing about today is this:

The appreciation of art prompts the creation of art--and vice versa.

That is why I not only talk about other art forms to teach writing, but also use those art forms as prompts. Today's exemplary student work was prompted by a photo of a boy blowing bubbles while sitting in a wheelchair. The poem, by P.K., age 11, reflects extraordinary empathy from the able-bodied poet. 

Popped Bubble

Bubbles

have courage

whereas I

have fear.

They have courage to fly away,

but I have a fear of standing up.

They have the courage

to face danger in the world,

but I have a fear

of confronting life.

Bubbles

can fly

as high as they like,

but nobody

will get in their way.

Nature,

Life,

always get in my way.

They push me till I can no longer stand.

If I try, they will push me again.

They do this until

I am powerless,

courageless.

I am a popped bubble

in a wheelchair.

Enough said!

Poem Prompt To Elicit Introspection about Friendship

I asked students to read a poem titled "Pen Pal," about a best friend whose identity is revealed at the end to be paper itself. We discussed the traits of an ideal friend, and how to show these traits via examples, not mere labels. (The full lesson is available on http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Poem-Prompt-for-Essay-Poetry-and-Fiction-Writing-AND-Introspection-880284). One of the exercises calls for students to write a mock “Wanted” advertisement, describing in as few specific words as possible, the best friend they seek. I told them not to use trait words, such as “compassionate,” but rather, to SHOW the traits they seek with examples (such as, “She always makes room for me when I need to express my feelings”). I also told them to make every word count, practicing the “economy of words” in their ads or poems. This was one of my favorites:


LOST
By K.E., age 12

*A person with an open mind, open heart, and open arms
*A person able to pick me up in my most shattered state
*A person who can glue me back together with kind, reassuring words
*A person who can accept any and all of my differences and can love them
*A person who will support me when doing the right thing, but argue against me when doing wrong
*A person who can see the worst part of me and never tell a soul
*A person who can sit down with me when I’m crying and weep next to me, even without knowing what’s happened
*A person who would be able to put everything down to rush to my side

If found, please contact me at 1-800-Find-Plz


Please tell K.E. which of her lines moved you most by leaving a comment below.

An Eleven Year Old's Passionate Response to an Equally Passionate Essay in TEEN INK magazine

This essay response made my eyes teary as my student read it aloud, not only because it is extraordinarily well written for a 6th grader, but also--and even more importantly--because of the heartfelt connection between a preteen and a teen via passionate words.



In the informal essay, “Of My Generation,” [TeenInk author] Amal Oladuja talks about the lives of today’s generation. The tone of this essay is very unique. It is sarcastic to most parents who might be reading, but something kids can relate to their own lives. A sentence says, “I am expected to thrive academically, eat healthily, sleep regularly, exercise frequently, socialize freely, converse openly—al the while managing my time efficiently.” When an adult reads this, he/she may have a reaction like: “This is really what our children think of their lives when we try so hard for them?!” But that is exactly what parents are doing wrong. They try too hard to make their children meet the perfect expectations of society. Instead of thinking of the child as a person, they think of them as a tool.

The tone of Oladuja’s essay suggests that life is something he has no say in. Almost every paragraph starts with a commanding verb: “I am expected to, I’m supposed to, I’ve got to, I belong to…,” and so on. Also, the way the writer puts everything in an extreme compare/contrast situation hits every reader hard with different emotions. Personally, I can relate to this essay. It’s true, being a perfectionist, trying to be someone I’m not, being social, and getting straight A+’s is sometimes nearly impossible in our constricted time. Reading this essay made me realize that the “Stillborn Generation,” as Amal Oladuja calls it, may never be able to think for themselves or “breathe a suggestion.”


If you are a parent or teacher reading this, what have you learned from this young writer?

If you are a kid yourself, can you relate to this pressure, and how would you like to see our attitudes toward education change in the U.S.A?

I highly recommend the publication TeenInk for thoughtful kids ages 11 and up.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS FOR THIS YOUNG AUTHOR (AND ME) BELOW!