5th Graders Write About Stylistic Techniques in Nonfiction

           It's important to point out to students that writing style is as important in nonfiction as it is in fiction. Simply providing facts is not enough to compel readers; the nonfiction author must provide memorable "word pictures" with sentences that show, rather than tell. Young writers who learn to notice and analyze specific word choices in everything they read will not only have a greater appreciation of the art of writing, but will also have a heightened awareness of the intentions behind words. Such an awareness enriches reading comprehension as well as writing skills.
          The following two short essay-style paragraphs by 10-year-old students used my "E I-E-I O" format* to examine the stylistic choices in a passage from the nonfiction book Hidden Figures, by Margot Lee Shetterly.    
                                       *Establish, Illustrate, Explain, Interpret, Overall lesson/theme

                                                 

How To Add Fun to Writing Short Essay Responses to Literature: Have Them Write About Each Other's Works!

THE PROMPT: Write a paragraph about a theme in the following poem, using Susan L. Lipson's mnemonic device, E-IEI-O (Establish topic; Illustrate with quotation; Explain illustration and its context; Interpret implications of deeper meanings; Overall conclusions about how those implications relate to the theme).

The Defiant Man

by Rupin M.

The rain batters a person continuously,

While the man wallows in pain

And the people in their houses laugh.

The rain batters him harder and harder.

The fear of sickness reaches his brain.

The man decides he will not let the rain make him sick.

He defiantly puts up an umbrella

So the rain stops,

And the people are silent.

That poem, written by one of my 12-year-old students, in response to a poem from my book Writing Success Through Poetry, clearly impressed one of my other students, Aashi, age 11, so I decided to turn that poem into a response-to-literature exercise for her. I instructed her to refer to the poet formally, as if he were a famous poet. Please note that the poet is actually HER BROTHER! (:

Here is her E-IEI-O response to "The Defiant Man." I consider both the poem and the short essay exceptional. These writings appear here as written by the students, without editing from me except for the addition and subtraction of a few commas. 

The theme of the poem “The Defiant Man,” by Mr. Rupin Mittal, is that often what it takes for people to gain confidence to defend themselves is the very need to defend themselves. However, when people get rid of insecurities and gain enough confidence to put up defenses against the enemy, they can defend themselves. The lines “While the man wallows in pain/ And the people in their houses laugh” show how not everyone will sympathize with people about their problems. Some will simply laugh at the lack of assertiveness. Sometimes this laughter and criticism can help people build up the will to defend themselves. Mr. Mittal writes, “He defiantly puts up an umbrella/ So the rain stops/ and the people are silent.” This shows that the bullies and bystanders may laugh at people who are defenseless, but once they gather the courage to defend themselves, those bullies may no longer be able to put them down. [written by Aashi M.]

Using excellent creative writing pieces by other students as prompts has definitely inspired awe and awesome writing. Kids find essay writing about another writer's work more meaningful when they know that their written response is actually being heard by the author. And the authors feel successful at having clearly communicated their visions or messages, knowing they have left memorable words in their readers' minds.

Doing My Student's Homework

          A writing teacher should not assign prompts without attempting to write her/his own model responses, too. If I can't write passionately to a prompt I assign, then I cannot expect a student to tackle the task with any enthusiasm. Here is an essay I wrote in response to a thought-provoking cartoon that I assigned today to a 16-year-old student (as homework). The prompt is intended to evoke a personal opinion essay (four paragraphs) about the overuse of cell phones and the current American obsession with staying "connected." I purposely wrote with a plethora of specific details and figurative language to encourage him to choose similarly precise and creative words. 

Cell Phone Sabbaticals for Sanity

By Susan L. Lipson

A cartoon from The New Yorker depicts a woman reclining on a beach while searching through her purse for her cell phone and saying to two fellow beachgoers: “I’ll be on vacation until I find my cell phone.” The warmth of the sand on her bare toes, and the hypnotic shushing of the ocean, will immediately vanish once her fingers touch the cool screen of the smart phone, and her ears tune in to the insistent beep of notifications. Although cell phones act like stabilizing anchors by keeping us connected and reachable even as we continue to make waves, they simultaneously restrain us from floating off to relax at sea, away from responsibilities, in stress-free vacation mode. To truly enjoy a vacation—uninterrupted by telephone calls from home or work, disconnected from emails that demand responses or dictate tasks, unaware of social media campaigns and calls for attention to a tiny screen—we must “dumb down” our smart phones and develop a “vacation mode” (or at least a vacation mindset) that would restrict cell phone usage during preprogrammed travel dates.

Ironically, we cannot fully recharge ourselves while attached to fully computerized phones that are never unplugged; we must unplug and power down in order to empower ourselves to experience the temporary freedom known as “vacation.” Communication, while essential to human existence, requires energy, sometimes from electronic devices as well as from the humans who operate them. Conservation of that energy is the purpose of a vacation—like a reset button on a continuously running computer. If we tune out of business-world communications via electronic devices, and instead tune in to face-to-face interpersonal communication or introspective communication via meditation or quiet time, then we can truly experience the bliss of losing ourselves in our thoughts, in new activities, and in the company of our fellow vacationers.

The paranoia of powering off keeps too many people from finding the peace they need for their own health. They worry about missing “Something Important”—whatever that might be. Thus, this over-connectedness may even be a new kind of anxiety disorder (not to mention an addiction). The symptoms of this contagious disorder manifest themselves as cell phones left on dinner tables between diners; as darting eyes that attempt to appear engaged while checking for flashes and notification banners; as vibrating pockets and purses that frequently evoke dashes to bathrooms or lobbies; as excessive interest in Wi-Fi availability in selecting public places to meet with others; and as avoidance of any communication that does not involve typing. In the days when phones were only for calling people, we left our computers in our offices, along with automatic “vacation responder” messages to notify contacts that we would be incommunicative for a certain time period. We traveled, back then, not with Bluetooth devices in our ears, but with headphones to listen to our favorite music. Today, however, our phones are pocket computers, enabling us to take work and obligations with us wherever we roam, turning us into stressed-out workaholics who even use “silent mode” to communicate stealthily in every context.

The stress-related health risks associated with over-connectedness point to a need for phones to offer to a new, user-programmed “vacation mode." This self-regulated mode could be restricted to: 1) phone calls to designated Vacation-Approved Favorites (family and close friends); 2) camera shots that could automatically be stored in a folder titled “Vacation Photos”; 3) travel information apps (for transportation, lodging, maps, restaurant and tourist site reviews); and 4) music players. Time off can only serve its rejuvenating purpose if we turn off, as much as possible, our connections to the working world. 

Essay Paragraph Checklist as Easy as "E-I-E-I-O!"

I gave this guide to my workshop students, and I'm sharing it now, here, for those who teach and those who learn about writing!

CRITIQUING AN ESSAY PARAGRAPH IN RESPONSE TO LITERATURE—GUIDELINES (for peer editing and self-editing)

Think of E I E I O (like the “Old MacDonald” song!) Use this to guide your editorial notes on your critique partner’s page.

Establish (topic/theme)

Illustrate (with quotation or example that fits established topic)

Explain (explain what the illustration shows)

Interpret (interpret why the illustration shows what it shows or is important)

Overall (overall, this paragraph has revealed that…)

1. Is the topic clearly ESTABLISHED, in specific words, as the opening line of the paragraph? 

If you answered YES, then write “clear and concise” beside that line.

If you answered NO, then write “clarify and cut,” and add your suggestions, if any, in the margin.

2.  Is the sentence that establishes the topic/theme followed by an apt verbal ILLUSTRATION, a.k.a. “concrete detail,” “example,” or quotation? 

If the illustration IS fitting, write “well-illustrated” beside that line.

If the illustration does NOT aptly support the opening line, annotate in the margin “find stronger example.” 

If the illustration could have been shorter, mark how you would cut it down to be most concise.

Also, is that illustration set up in context for a reader who might know nothing about the quoted or referenced literature?  Underline the transitional words that set up the illustration and put a smiley face beside them.

If the  “set up” needs improvement, or is absent, please note that in the margin and suggest ideas for a smooth set up.

3. Is the illustration followed by a commentary line to EXPLAIN what this particular illustration shows?

If YES, write “fine explanation” and a checkmark beside that line.

If the commentary line does not explain, or is absent, write “clear explanation needed here.”

4. Does the next commentary line INTERPRET the purpose of the words in the illustration on a deeper level, offering YOUR opinion (without saying, “I think” or “I feel that”) of why this example is important for the reading of the work?

If the line is a thought-provoking interpretation, draw a glowing light bulb beside it.

If the student writer has merely restated the previous explanation, without adding any depth, write “go deeper” beside that line. If the interpretation goes off-topic, write that in the margin.

5. Does the concluding line provide an OVERALL statement of what this paragraph has revealed, in a broader sense than the opening line?

If so, draw a smiley face beside it.

If it merely restates the established topic in slightly different words than the ones in the first sentence, then write “go broader” in the margin.

Help for Student Essay Writers

GRAPHIC ORGANIZER FOR A TYPICAL 5-PARAGRAPH ESSAY
(Check off the steps as you complete them. You may copy and print this if you wish, though not for publication, of course.)


First, write an Introductory Paragraph—but write it UPSIDE DOWN. “Flip it right-side-up” in your revision. This upside-down format forces you to write the THESIS first because it provides the controlling idea, the main “flavor,” of the entire essay, and should keep you from wandering “off topic.” Make sure with your teacher that the thesis is indeed arguable before you continue.


1) THESIS—One sentence that clearly presents the ARGUMENT you intend to prove. Begin with a strong thesis opener such as: “Thus,” “Therefore,” “We can conclude,” “Hence,” “Obviously,” “Although,” etc.
Check with your teacher that the thesis is specific enough and that it can be proved with supportive details and commentary. Then continue writing as shown below.

2) SUMMARY OF MAIN POINTS that will build your argument (one or two sentences):
When writing a response-to-literature essay about a character’s development in an essay, to argue about how the character changes from start to finish, you could write your three main points in terms of the time elements. For example, you could write: “In the beginning of the story, the main character seems ____, but by the middle, he/she changes into ______, and finally, at the end, he/she has become ____.”

When writing a response-to-literature essay that deals with issues other than character development—such as an essay about the themes of the story, or the author’s writing style—list the main points you will illustrate, but save your direct quotations or references to the text for later, to illustrate those main points as “concrete details” (CDs) in the body paragraphs to follow.

In general, writers state three main points, within one (or two) sentences, and those three main points will turn into the Topic Sentences of the three body paragraphs that will follow the Introduction Paragraph. (Note: As essay writers’ skills grow, they may vary their approaches to this format and not need the same rigid approach as beginners use.)

Start with something like: "At the beginning of the story…" or "The three main themes of this story..."


3) ATTENTION-GETTER (THIS WILL END UP AS THE 1ST LINE OF YOUR ESSAY. USE A QUESTION, A SHORT MINI-STORY, A SURPRISING OR THOUGHT-PROVOKING STATEMENT, OR A QUOTATION FROM ANOTHER PIECE OF LITERATURE THAT TIES INTO YOUR MAIN POINTS.)

End of Introduction Paragraph. Now type or recopy the sentences with the Attention-Getter first, the Summary of the Body second, and the Thesis at the end of the paragraph.




BODY PARAGRAPH ONE(To prove main point #1)

1) Topic Sentence : REFERS BACK TO MAIN POINT 1 FROM INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH.

2) Concrete Detail : QUOTATION OR SPECIFIC EXAMPLE AS “EVIDENCE” TO SUPPORT YOUR THESIS, TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE LITERATURE. Don’t forget quotation marks, author's name or book title, and page number.

3) Commentary One: "This example shows/illustrates that..." BE SURE TO SET UP THE CONTEXT OF THE QUOTATION FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT READ THE LITERATURE.

4) Commentary Two: "The purpose/meaning of this example is…." You may wish to use opinion-suggesting words to open your sentence, such as “Obviously,” or “Clearly,” “Apparently,” etc.

5) Concluding Sentence of the Body Paragraph: RELATE THIS TO YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE, IN A BROADER WAY. Possible opening words: “Readers thus see that…”

You have now completed the Introduction Paragraph and the First Body Paragraph. Only two more Body Paragraphs to go, and then the Concluding Paragraph. Keep up the good work!....


REPEAT THE ABOVE BODY PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE TWO MORE TIMES, WITH BODY PARAGRAPH TWO SUPPORTING YOUR SECOND MAIN POINT AS ADVERTISED IN YOUR INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH, AND BODY PARAGRAPH THREE SUPPORTING YOUR THIRD MAIN POINT. MAKE SURE THAT EACH OF YOUR TOPIC SENTENCES RESTATE THOSE MAIN POINTS IN A MORE SPECIFIC WAY.



CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

1) RESTATEMENT OF THESIS (IN BROADER TERMS, RELATING TO LIFE IN GENERAL).

2) REVIEW OF MAIN PTS. (An overall, nonspecific summary of your 3 points, in new words; one sentence will do.)

3) ATTENTION-KEEPER (A broad statement that could refer back to your Attention-Getter, if you wish. This statement should make your reader say, “Aha! So THAT’S what I learned from this essay!” If you opened with a quotation or a question or intriguing statement, you could refer back to it here, to make the essay feel as if it has come “full circle.")


You’ve just written a first draft by filling in the blanks! Type up what you have so far. Your next draft stage will allow you to weave your words together, using transitions (bridging words), for a smoothly flowing essay.

HELPFUL TRICK FOR CREATING SMOOTH TRANSITIONS (between paragraphs, and even between sentences within a paragraph): Repeat a word or phrase (or a form of that word or phrase) in the very next sentence. For example: one paragraph might end with the words, “Thus, the narrator shows readers how life can change depending on the choices one makes;” and the TS of the following paragraph could say, “Smart choices involve planning ahead, and the narrator….” The subtle repetition of a word (“choices,” in this case) makes one thought flow into the next for the reader.

The goal of writing an essay should be communication of thoughts that will affect the reader either by educating, enlightening, convincing, or entertaining him or her. Effectiveness in meeting this goal depends upon an essay that builds point upon point, like a carefully constructed building, and weaves thoughts to other thoughts, like a tightly stitched quilt. May you meet this goal in every essay!

~Susan L. Lipson
Writing teacher

How To Get the Most out of Your Child's Writing with the Least Amount of Hair-Pulling

ALWAYS:
1. Listen to the student read the entire work before making comments. Better yet, read the work aloud to the student. By listening, you will focus more on substance than on mere proofreading errors that catch your eye.

2. Ask questions about what the work conveyed (what you ask will also show what the piece has NOT conveyed.) Read only what appears on the page, without “filling in the blanks” for the student, even if you DO know what he/she meant to say. Address questions line by line, as needed. Rephrase Q’s if the writer seems exasperated.

3. Offer to help the child come up with a better line, as needed, based on the explanations he/she provides in Step 2, above. Suggest alternative words ONLY if your child has accepted your offer.

4. Ask the child to reword lines you suggest, so he/she can own the revised words.

5. Separate substance from form, if possible. In other words, leave proofreading (corrections of spelling, grammar, format, and punctuation) for the final editing phase. Focus first on meaning, flow, power of language, clarity--how the piece touches you, as a reader, overall. Focus on writing as a means of verbal communication between the author and the reader.

6. Suggest that the student double-space all writings (to allow room for editing and revisions), and type the work, if s/he can.

7. Proofread the revision with the author by your side, asking the child to identify errors and omissions, before you correct them.


NEVER:
1. Never interrupt the first reading of the child’s work, whether you read it or he/she does. (Often the author will stop him/herself during this initial reading to self-edit.) Never disrespect a young author by rushing the editing process.

2. Never tell the child what’s wrong; SHOW it subtly via your questions (see “Always” column), which help the student discover necessary revisions on his/her own. Never say “That made no sense!” or “What were you SUPPOSED to write?” or “You can’t turn in something so sloppy to your teacher!”

3. Never dictate: “I think you should say...,” or “You need to add this…,” or “Change that…,” or “Why don’t you write...;” and never make any suggestions until your child answers “yes” to your offer of help.

4. Never let the writer simply transcribe your words. It’s not your homework.

5. Never focus on form or proofreading before substantive editing. Never say, “What kind of grade do you expect, with all those misspelled words, and such a messy presentation?!” Your child will think of writing as filling a paper with neatly printed words, and revising as fixing misspellings and errors in punctuation and grammar. Grades will take precedence over clear communication.

6. Never recopy or retype the student’s work without your child asking you to do so. AND, if you do recopy or retype, never edit as you go; rather, preserve the errors for him/her to catch on the next revision.

7. Never mark up the paper and say, “Here.”